4:14

God is good.
there is no reason, no way, no how...i'm still awake..still surviving this week.
i am experiencing major grace.

i found a good study spot today at norris...and i constantly had to remind myself that God was with me..that God was for me...and studying became a lot more enjoyable.

i had a short time of prayer and reflection...and wrote this behind my stats notes.
i plan to throw away all my stats notes, so i want to copy this down here.
and as i'm reminded of the thoughts that i believe God whispered to me...i will prepare my heart to speed-write this spanish essay. ahhh. i cannot wait until 2 o'clock.

at norris, wednesday afternoon:

Lord,
it's 4:14
and i want to rest in You.
life's too short for stress
and i have full access to You
so i just want to talk to You.
You live in me.
You're right here with me.
thank You.
without You, i'm nothing.

is it better to walk aimlessly
or to walk blind-folded/blind?
or is it the same?
you can see your aimless walking
but you can't see at all if you're blind

this faith talk
you feel blind but you have an aim, a clear goal.
but sometimes, you feel you're walking aimlessly.
but faith isn't about directions.
there's only one way. one truth. one life.

then you hear this blind faith talk
how you walk as if you know where you're going.
but you're blind. you don't really know or see anything.
"blind Christians. they don't even know what they believe in. such blind faith."


blind faith has become a more negative phrase. dictionary.com says blind faith means believing without true understanding.

but that IS faith. blind faith is faith. yes, there are many who know, understand, yet don't really believe. that's being blind.

faith is about believing even when you don't understand. being ignorant is easy. knowing is easy. believing in something you don't fully understand is not. but it is possible if you take the first step.

believing is the first step to believing over and over again because there will come many moments when understanding will not be possible or given. how can we understand the goodness, the Plans, the Glory of God? we can only believe. that's why we are called believers. so let's believe. true faith is blind faith. a faith that does not need to see to believe. a faith that doesn't just know but also believes and sees without actually seeing. blind faith is radical faith.

am i walking aimlessly?
am i blinded by my knowledge?
am i blinded by my habits?
am i blinded by my faith or what i think is faith?
am i believing?
am i lost?

where do i stand, Lord?
what do i want, Lord?

why do i need to decide
why must i pick and choose
when to me, clearly,
my only option is You.

knowing You leads to knowing me
knowing You leads to hating me
but loving You means loving me
because You love me, and i have humbly accepted that Love with fear and trembling.

Your love is too great, God.
Your love is beyond this world.
Your love is what i was created by.
Your love is what i was given.

how this truth soothes me, Lord.
how this truth heals me, Lord.
how this truth lifts me, Lord.
how this truth frees me, Lord.

You, Love, have created me, beloved,
to be loved and love.
You. love. me.
and i choose to receive that love.
You. let. me. choose.
freely. free.
in response to your love, i want to love You.
i want to love others
freely. free.

but this world abuses Your name.
love. sex. marriage, children.
everything's a joke, a game.
how You must hurt, Lord.
how You must turn your eyes away from this filthy land
that was once a secret garden You loved and in which You dwelled.

may i create a garden for You
where You remain in me and i in You
where there are shimmering streams of milk and honey
willow trees dancing gracefully at the sound of Your Name.
Jesus
won't You gently prune my branches and make me fruitful, Lord.
for every blessing You pour out i'll turn back to praise.

the secret garden is here in my heart.
Your glory is hidden in my heart.
Your beauty is hidden in my heart.
Heaven is here in my heart.

my heart does not know how blessed it is
to guard the Love that dwells in it.
my heart does not realize it dwells in a new creation, holy and pleasing to the Lord Most High.
my heart cannot fathom the great and unsearchable things it is about to witness in this world and eternity.

for my heart is too small..my understanding, too limited.
but may You expand it.
may you overflow to all those around me right now who need You...to my studies...to the world...

You are glorious.
You are so beautiful to me.
my Love. my Savior.
my Redeemer. my Friend.
the Overseer of my soul.
the Lifter of my head.

in Jesus' name i pray.
amen.