Lord,

let me fear You above all my fears

i woke up from a nap

and it's dark outside
and i'm home alone.
a bad combination,
but at least i don't have a final the next day.

it's a summer night.
whew~

i guess i'll be writing here more
especially since i'm on the k-fast haha
so bloggie,
your days of neglect
are over..unless i'm...just lazy.
don't get too excited.

today, i found myself praying to God..a lot
because the day was so off..the day was so bad!

the sad thing is, the day started off so well.
gooooooood sermon..gooooood time of morning prayer..

and...things went downhill from there.
which was like the whole day...

i sucked at driving..
so dad said i wasn't ready.
mom was having difficulty in the front seat while i took her to t.j. maxx (which is not even five minutes from my house. sad.)
prayed to God to hold my tongue..calm my anger..shut my words down...
made up with mom and happily went to yoshinoya in remembrance of japan and just cause we've been planning to eat it since forever.
i ordered beef only...and literally beef only came out.
beef. only.
...
um...that was silly. and too 짜.
so i had to separately order rice.
and also get a drink because they didn't know i wanted a meal for my mom.

asked God what was going on hahaha not my day.
other little things happened that are too little to mention...
but even all these things i have already mentioned are so little.
and i think that's why i feel like ddong right now.
because i have a long way to go. i lived so fleshly today.

really...i'm not sure about a lot of things these days..
and just relaxing at home and enjoying summer does make me think and wonder about my future.
i don't worry...i just wonder. like what are You going to do with me?
i don't really wonder if i'm going to fail or succeed...i don't even know what those terms really mean to me anymore. fail or succeed by whose standards and in whose eyes?
i want to do what i'm good at, what i enjoy, what i love...but i'm sad because i don't even know what that is either. the only thing i know, and this by God's grace, is that i love Him, and want to spend my life knowing Him and honoring Him. in this, i rejoice. that is the only thing i am 7230587203857302% sure of.
so i'm only holding on to that.
at this point, the only thing i have to hold on to...
this too, by God's grace.

so continue to have mercy on this soul, Lord.
so little, so lost
so... many things.
but all in You.

we

must
set our eyes
on
flood our ears
with
seal our lips
with
fill our many cravings
with
guard our hearts
with
the promises of the LORD

every day.
every hour.
every moment.

for our own good.
and it makes Him happy.
that alone is suffiiiiiiiiiiiicient reason.

my son, (Ashley,) if your heart is wise,
my heart too will be glad.
my inmost being will exult
when your lips speak what is right.
let not your heart envy sinners,
but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day.
surely there is a future,
and your hope will not be cut off.
- proverbs 23 (rocks ma socks off)

hey bloggie

keep me accountable.

the k-fast starts today.

it will last till mom comes back from mongolia,
but i should try to continue the fast for...
the rest of my life.

we are such forgetful people.
reading the Old Testament is expaaaaaaaaaaanding
my view of God's grace
and our forgetfulness.

repetition for a reason.
exodus. leviticus. deuteronomy. joshua. proverbs...
we still don't get it after the repetition.
but Grace saves us over and over.

FEAR THE LORD.
LOVE THE LORD.
READ THE BIBLE.

the words
the pages
breathe life.
your spiritual oxygen tank.

these days, i am loving Jeremiah!
from chapter 9:
thus says the Lord:
“let not the wise man boast in his wisdom,
let not the mighty man boast in his might,
let not the rich man boast in his riches,
but let him who boasts boast in this,
that he understands and knows me,
that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth.
for in these things I delight,
declares the Lord.”

i love my family

a: just have waterfalls of grace
d: ...niagara falls of grace.

mi hermano es un regalo de Dios.

por supuesto!