cvs

baked cheese crackers
are
the
best.

there is nothing

we have
nothing more powerful
nothing that can compare

to the BLOOD OF JESUS.


in no other Name
can we trust.

soon

though i have not seen Him
my heart knows Him well
Jesus Christ the Lamb
the Lord of heaven

i will be with the One i love
with unveiled face i'll see Him
there my soul will be satisfied
soon and very soon





uncontrollable, hot tears.
God.
my heart just wants to know You more.

es mi COSA~

funny text from julie during sermon.

she overheard:

"it's raining and los perritos estan like freaking out!"

encouraging

unexpected and at the perfect time.
encouraging reminder from dolce.
thank you, mi amor!

the JOY of the LORD
truly is my ONLY STRENGTH!

i

have an awesome God.

i am so blessed.

He is so big.
He is so great.
He is so powerful.
He is so charismatic.
He is so smart.
He is so loving.
He is so beautiful.
He is so creative.
He is so fun.
He is so gentle.
He is so attentive.
He is so caring.
He is so strong.

all of those adjectives added, multiplied together...can't suffice.
my heart cannot contain what i think or feel about you, Lord!
i truly stand in awe of You.

cracks

vases
holding more than they can.
you can't even see the vase itself.
so God takes some stuff out.
some water.
some flowers.
why?
let the water move.
let the flowers breathe.
looks better too.
feels better too.

vases
we all have cracks.
the things we try to hold keep making them bigger.
and God tries to help us by taking things out.
so reluctant we are.
he finally does.
cuz he loves us.
cuz he loves us.
and only now do we see the cracks.
what was keeping the vase together in the first place?

no way to mend these cracks.
but you can start seeing through them.
and see
God's Grace
God's Faithfulness
God's Glory.

today,
i realize how many cracks i have.
i knew i had a lot...
but i keep finding more.
i think he's letting me know so i don't break the vase.
because even one crack too big can break the entire vase.

so won't you shine through.
i'm blind without you.

random lyrics stole my thoughts

hold me closer til i can't tell us apart
i can't erase you if you're written in my heart


don't fool yourself by trying to do things
that merely make you feel morally superior.
because who are you fooling

thinking certain thoughts
or even speaking certain thoughts
can easily unintentionally be judging

the more i know You,
the more i see i don't.
the more i think i have You
the more i find i need You

i need you more everyday.
and i know you can fill me up.
you said i can do all things through you.
i realize there is nothing i can do without you.

seriously.
nothing.
that's why you are Hope.
that's why you are Life.

even to go through the littlest, petty, most insignificant events or conversations of the day.

i need you every moment.

and even that...
i realized so late.

and now you're shaking your head gently, lovingly, patiently
because you love me.
and your love is constant, strong, unchanging, steadfast, overflowing.
every moment.
you are with me every moment.

that's why you want me to pray.
that why you want me to call out to you.
you know i need you.
that's why you are here.
Love is here.
so i don't need to fear...


i just need to believe.
with my heart
with my soul
with my mind.

i

don't even know where to start with how i'm feeling right now.

my daily calender memo that i just ripped off reads, "mas vale tarde que nunca"
better late than never.

i made a lot of mistakes, but those mistakes weren't mistakes,
because God is using them to be blessings.

we forget how powerful God is.
He never changes.
but He can change things.

even if you think it's too late...too late to think that it's better late than never,
just remember,
it's really not too late.

the tugging of your heart is right.
especially if you're a person of prayer.
that is the whole point of prayer..
to be sensitive to the Holy Spirit..
to be guided by His wisdom..
to sense anything off..

and all throughout this week.
something was clearly off.
but i thought i was so good.
so good. that i was getting busy.
but busy is bad. our good is still bad.
the only good is God...and only He makes us and what we do, good.
so just be obedient and trust him.
be obedient.
trust him.
two very vague sentences,
that are becoming so real, specific, and true to me these days.

it's a rollercoaster..
but i'm enjoying the ride.
because He is in control.

and that's what He wants.
our trust.
we just gotta believe we're going to make it through.
the seat belt ain't gonna fly off.
and you're not going to get stuck or fall off either.
just chailllllllll. we're talking God at the control deck here.


i believe in You.
and i give everything i have, to You.
everything i do, for you.
if not, what's the point of it all?

all for you.
all to you.
all with you.
all through you.

a writer is good

if she can communicate exactly what she is feeling at that moment.
that's why russian lit is so good.
the writers take you into every little thought, emotion the character feels.

ahh i have to read more. and improve my engrish.
but i don't have time to read..and when i do have time, i'd rather read the Bible.

there is this song i have grown to appreciate, love, enjoy.
it's one of those praise songs that people don't really know about.
"here in my life" by hillsong.

i never really paid attention to the song.
if anything, i'd skip to the next song on my youtube playlist.
yes, i have a youtube playlist...is that embarrassing?
i really don't think so...but then i wonder.

anyway.

point is...i love the song now.
it was playing randomly last week while i was sitting at my desk.
and the lyrics caught my ears...for the first time.
and i cried.

i don't know why i cry so much these days.
the thing is...i'm not sad when i cry.
it's the only reaction my body has when i feel the Holy Spirit and His Grace..and Love over me. and my eyes just watered as i typed this.

maybe i'm getting old.
i feel like those dogs who are always teary-eyed.

anyway.

here are the lyrics that squeezed my heart:

You are my freedom
Jesus you’re the reason
I’m kneeling again at Your throne
Where would I be without You
Here in my life, here in my life?

i don't know...
the lyrics just stole the words out of my heart.

i titled this blog "be free" two years ago to remind myself of my freedom in Christ..and to be free and enjoy everyday, every moment, good and bad.

and i know i still have a long way to go..of course i do..
but one thing that Jesus has really taught me..
is the freedom found in Him.

i just took a deep breath and wiped my eyes.
these aren't tears of sadness...
these are tears of gratitude..
that i think have increased since the day i finally understood God's love for me..
and i know the tears will only flow more till i go to heaven.
and then...they will cease forever.

what a long entry.

you know...
i love running...and praying while running.
manna event?
jk...

but man...it sucks seeing people burnt out already.
God, you are the fire in me. so although i may burn out, i trust that you will keep burning. so just remind me that...

and i've been thinking about intentional risk.
those two words are being tossed around way too much it annoys me.
the word intentional is wrong.
the word risk is more wrong.

nothing should have to be intentional.
nothing should have to be a risk.

does anyone get me?????

you can only go out if you have something to give in you.
and when you have the inexplicable something in you..
you can't help but go out.
and it's natural.
and it's not a risk.
it's just natural...you do it because you can't help it.
and it's not a risk...because you're not losing anything.
you're only gaining.

i don't know...i don't mind it...i get that we have to be intentional about sharing You..and of course, it's scary and feels like a risk at times, a lot of times.
i just wish the focus was more on You.

we have to be consumed
from the inside out.
we have to overflow
from the inside out.

out is determined by what's inside.

how can we go out when the people inside...still don't know what's within?

sigh

so many thoughts in my head
brain traffic jam
one thought, one car after another.

nothing is too difficult,
but nothing is easy either.

what is easy?
nothing.
studying for lsats.
begging for money.
construction on sheridan.
nothing's easy.

this life is hard.

i feel like a flickering candle,
whose flame is getting weaker by its own melting wax.
the problem is i. me.
the answer is You. God.

but it's so hard.
it's so hard to live this life.
it's so hard to live it for you.
especially because i want to make sure i'm on the right track.
but that's underestimating your sovereignty and love for me.
it's so hard to live this life with you.
but it's impossible to live this life without you.

so in the end,
everything is hard.

and isn't that why you came?
isn't that why you stepped down into time?
to tear these chains, to break this bondage of time, busyness, worry, fear, money, hate...

so it's during times like these i need to push harder.
it's during times like these i have to take a deep breath, or hold it longer.
close my eyes and just lift up my arms a little higher.
feel the burn, but hold the cross up high and proud, and look up to you.
and remember.
and believe.
and see.

your Love,
your amazing, unfailing, powerful, eternal
Love for me.

cover me in your blood.
empower me with your grace right now.

i am forever grateful.

in Jesus' name,
amen.

whew

virus-free is the way to be...

thank you, oppa!

The Lord always provides...and a lot of times, unexpectedly.

it's the balance of being expectant...but patient.
having faith but also trusting in God's sovereignty when He is silent.

reminder

there will be times when my eyes grow dull..and
i will wonder...worry
and complain...and question...

but allow me the grace to never ever doubt Your Sovereignty.

whether for correction or for His land
or for love, He causes it to happen.
- job 37:13

and i'm so glad that it's You behind, over, before everything.

the worst feeling

is regret.

and it's too late.


if i'm regretting over something so so small like this...
if i'm regretting over something i've done..or haven't done..for the past two years of college...


how much will the unsaved regret when they stand before the Lord?
when they stand before the Lord after all those years living on earth...

and it's too late.

freak.
i need to continue to stretch my perspective and heart.
if i don't...they get so small and sore...
and you forget how refreshing and smooth it feels to be stretched out.
so i really gotta stretch stretch stretch them out...
my mind...my heart...my soul...my hands..
i have to stop worrying about stupid shat
and preach the Gospel wherever, whenever i can.
to myself, to my amigos, and to other almas that have yet to know the Beautiful One. Almighty One...

a lot of thoughts in my head today...
that's probably why i'm cleaning and refolding all my clothes.
at least some things are being organized.

vision

life seems to be easier when you're living it with a vision.
having a vision makes you feel safe, secure.
having a vision gives you a sense of purpose, direction.
having a vision makes your life feel worthwhile, important.

i've been wanting a vision for a long time.
but realize i've had it all wrong.

the word vision is misleading because you think it has to do with the eyes.
some people have visions with their eyes through dreams and images.
but how much of the word really deals with seeing?

isn't 99% of a vision...believing?
what use is a vision without heart? without believing?
a vision is about having faith in God and his plan for your life...
and exercising that faith, trusting in His sovereignty...silent sovereignty..

you realize you've grown when you look back in retrospect.
you don't know you're growing while you're growing...

so yeah, i've been asking for a vision a long time.
and i know, in the near future, i, in the routine of my forgetfulness, will sit confused yet again.
i'll be in bed, tossing and turning, my heart weak and tired in fear, wondering what the Lord's vision is for me.

but i hope i will remember that God has already given me a vision.
He gave us all one...the same one..that we may help each other achieve and live it out together. the church. one body.
He gave us the vision of Jesus Christ...
Jesus is our vision...

and i pray that i may strive faithfully try to even live like Him...

to deny myself, pick up my cross daily, and live the Gospel.

so i will stop fretting today.
stop worrying about what God's going to do with my life.
stop drawing out my next school year plans.

life's too short.
i need to enjoy my salvation more.

and

BE FREE from this world.


so i look to You.

i feel sorry

for this blog.

my poor bloggie.

all i do is rant to you
and write junk in here...

this ain't a blog...

it's a dramatic monologue...
that's unclear like fog...
i am trying to rhyme.

but i DO feel like i'm in fog.
the only hint of light i can see
is God..
and that's all i have my eyes on.

You're the only thing that makes sense..
You're the only thing that brings light to my life...
You're the only thing that is clear to me in all this mess...

and isn't that enough for you?
what more can i do but look to you?
what else can i do?

Lord,

let me fear You above all my fears

i woke up from a nap

and it's dark outside
and i'm home alone.
a bad combination,
but at least i don't have a final the next day.

it's a summer night.
whew~

i guess i'll be writing here more
especially since i'm on the k-fast haha
so bloggie,
your days of neglect
are over..unless i'm...just lazy.
don't get too excited.

today, i found myself praying to God..a lot
because the day was so off..the day was so bad!

the sad thing is, the day started off so well.
gooooooood sermon..gooooood time of morning prayer..

and...things went downhill from there.
which was like the whole day...

i sucked at driving..
so dad said i wasn't ready.
mom was having difficulty in the front seat while i took her to t.j. maxx (which is not even five minutes from my house. sad.)
prayed to God to hold my tongue..calm my anger..shut my words down...
made up with mom and happily went to yoshinoya in remembrance of japan and just cause we've been planning to eat it since forever.
i ordered beef only...and literally beef only came out.
beef. only.
...
um...that was silly. and too 짜.
so i had to separately order rice.
and also get a drink because they didn't know i wanted a meal for my mom.

asked God what was going on hahaha not my day.
other little things happened that are too little to mention...
but even all these things i have already mentioned are so little.
and i think that's why i feel like ddong right now.
because i have a long way to go. i lived so fleshly today.

really...i'm not sure about a lot of things these days..
and just relaxing at home and enjoying summer does make me think and wonder about my future.
i don't worry...i just wonder. like what are You going to do with me?
i don't really wonder if i'm going to fail or succeed...i don't even know what those terms really mean to me anymore. fail or succeed by whose standards and in whose eyes?
i want to do what i'm good at, what i enjoy, what i love...but i'm sad because i don't even know what that is either. the only thing i know, and this by God's grace, is that i love Him, and want to spend my life knowing Him and honoring Him. in this, i rejoice. that is the only thing i am 7230587203857302% sure of.
so i'm only holding on to that.
at this point, the only thing i have to hold on to...
this too, by God's grace.

so continue to have mercy on this soul, Lord.
so little, so lost
so... many things.
but all in You.

we

must
set our eyes
on
flood our ears
with
seal our lips
with
fill our many cravings
with
guard our hearts
with
the promises of the LORD

every day.
every hour.
every moment.

for our own good.
and it makes Him happy.
that alone is suffiiiiiiiiiiiicient reason.

my son, (Ashley,) if your heart is wise,
my heart too will be glad.
my inmost being will exult
when your lips speak what is right.
let not your heart envy sinners,
but continue in the fear of the Lord all the day.
surely there is a future,
and your hope will not be cut off.
- proverbs 23 (rocks ma socks off)

hey bloggie

keep me accountable.

the k-fast starts today.

it will last till mom comes back from mongolia,
but i should try to continue the fast for...
the rest of my life.

we are such forgetful people.
reading the Old Testament is expaaaaaaaaaaanding
my view of God's grace
and our forgetfulness.

repetition for a reason.
exodus. leviticus. deuteronomy. joshua. proverbs...
we still don't get it after the repetition.
but Grace saves us over and over.

FEAR THE LORD.
LOVE THE LORD.
READ THE BIBLE.

the words
the pages
breathe life.
your spiritual oxygen tank.

these days, i am loving Jeremiah!
from chapter 9:
thus says the Lord:
“let not the wise man boast in his wisdom,
let not the mighty man boast in his might,
let not the rich man boast in his riches,
but let him who boasts boast in this,
that he understands and knows me,
that I am the Lord who practices steadfast love, justice, and righteousness in the earth.
for in these things I delight,
declares the Lord.”

i love my family

a: just have waterfalls of grace
d: ...niagara falls of grace.

mi hermano es un regalo de Dios.

por supuesto!

this morning.

to think that You are really listening
to each thing i say, pray
really humbles me.
and i am at loss for words.
my knees, heart, and spirit
do all the talking.
i don't even realize my Bible is wet.
use my tears to wash Your feet.
but my tears are too dirty, unworthy

yet
You see me.
i bathe in Your Presence.

and i just wanna obey.

also,

i don't want to be like the man in James.
that looks at his reflection and walks away
immediately forgetting who he is and what he looks like.

but i read this in James over and over again.
"oh yea..this is good! this is so true..so good.."
and remind myself over and over again.

i even write it out on paper with my favorite pen
but not where i should
engrave it on my heart, soul, mind

no point of remembering and reminding
only to forget.
this has to stop.

fickle pickle

i feel very ecclesiastes-ish today.
lazy, everything is meaningless-ish.
silly but i still go with it.

and nose is filled with friends.
dust balls or boogers
of chicken powder, dried veggies, soy, and fortified rice
for the north korean people.

i tried to pray for each scoop i scooped
for each package i packed
but the assembly lines we koreans made
were way to ajsgdlkajs;ldgj fast.

humbling.
may the food go straight to them safely and swiftly, Lord.
may the food nourish their starving bodies...
and through your divine touch...their starving souls.
and may they truly taste the goodness of You, Lord.
and may every mouth sing
may every tongue confess
that You are God.
before it is too late.
before You say You never knew them.
all things are possible through You, Lord.
have mercy on them.
have mercy on us.
keep us on our knees.
in Jesus' name,
Amen.

sunny day sunday

when i was young, i didn't like sundays.
i always said, "i hate sundays!!!!!" to my mom.
which was short for
"i hate sundays because that means tomorrow's monday, i have to sleep early, wake up early, and face school for another week!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
hate is a dangerous word.
and i was young.

i love sundays.
i love that i can freely worship Him.
i love that i can freely worship Him with other believers.
i love that i can listen to His Word through a pastor.
i love that i can just rest and rejoice in His Presence.
despite my circumstances.

i have changed.
that's what Jesus' love does to you!
ain't it crazy!

i'm so thankful for all my friendships.
they are all blessings from God.
they are all very beautiful and lead me closer to Him.
what is more beautiful than that...

one is in cambodia...probably sweating...dying from her neck cramps and her back aches. i know how much she can't stand heat. or the food or lack of food she can eat. the insects. i can't imagine. Holy Spirit, strengthen her with the crazy power and energy only you can offer.

one will be going to panama tomorrow...crazy battlefield..not only the people she's going to reach out to...but the people she's going to meet..going to serve with...even the battle within..and the heat..humidity so thick you can't tell whether it's raining or you're sweating...Lord, empower her and clothe her with your love, compassion, and grace. and make her shine even more and just use her big big heart that is always longing for you...

thank you for your Grace today.
thank you for loving us the same..perfectly..everyday..
no matter how much we screw up, you still see us made complete in Jesus.
you call us holy. you said it is finished.
that is too much grace.
that is amaaaaaaazing grace.
and i am amazed fosho.

thank you, again!

i love sundays.

You are too good to be true.

in Jesus' name.

amen.

i wonder

a lot about the chills i get when i sing or pray...
are they any different from the chills i get when i watch a touching scene?

i watched the movie "wedding dress" three times in three weeks.
once on the way to japan.
once on the way back from japan.
and yesterday with my mom and brother.

i wonder how i will feel when i watch it when i'm a mom.

i should write and respond to e-mails...but i feel so lethargic...
my mind feels numb...my limbs feel limp...my thoughts are scattered.

God,
i just want more of You.
you said draw near to me and i'll draw near to you...
i draw near to you, Lord...
i feel so full yet so empty...
you know what i mean...
only you know my heart..
so take my heart...
make it clean...make it yours..
make it right..make it light
make it whole..
make it yours..

arigato gozaimashita

i cried
in the food court
at brea mall
after eating genghis khan
with my mom
while she shared
how she's been praying for me
when i'm in chicago
when i was at japan
hugging my 8th grade picture
me in my bee hive bun
in a easter yellow dress
with a little palm tree behind me.

the imagery of my mom praying with my picture...
in desperation.
in helplessness.
in hope.
in love.
in tears.
squeezed my heart in a strange way.

i cried a lot.
i didn't mean to..
tears of joy? tears of relief? tears of gratitude?
tears of awe..tears of surrender..tears of humility..
they were uncontrollable. unexpected.
she told me to stop
because it made her look bad.
but i didn't care
because i felt Love
in her eyes in my tears
in our hearts
God was moving and stirring and reminding me...

point is...
i am forever thankful.
i have so many people to thank.
i have a God to praise.
with my whole life.
and for eternity.

i have so many thoughts to process.
but one thought stands out like font 82705283750283 bold, underlined in my mind.

thank You, Lord...
my head and heart
at Your feet

everything

every pump of blood
every beat of my heart
every breath i breathe

is for You...

i trust You know that Lord!

you know

you've hidden something very very well....

if even you cannot find it...

help me, Lord!
my memory fails me....

hi bloggie

i am trying everything i can to avoid eye contact with my suitcase that is throwing up clothes and books and vitamins and more clothes.
remind me that i don't need any more clothes. please.
before summer, i will have a garage sale or give my clothes away.
you know how you know you're getting old?
you have to give away clothes that still fits...but just doesn't fit your age anymore..before, i had to give away clothes..cuz..i grew. taller and sideways...but it's a different story now. looking at old clothes are like looking at old photo albums. strange feeling.

i am also sick of packing and unpacking.
after enough experience,
i have concluded that unpacking is harder.
packing, you know what you want to take, shove it in, zip it up.
but unpacking, you have to take it out, refold, make room, think, and organize.

which is why....i am blogging right now.

number 22 cha duri is <3.
and i saw a kogi truck right outside of montefino yesterday...wudddah!

God is challenging many around me, and also myself...
it is hard, but it is good, because it shows that you love us and want us to continually call out to you.
thank you for keeping us humble...humility is where it all starts and ends.
humility is more than worthy for me.

God,
life can suck...and it will suck,
but thank you that You are good, You are perfect,
and Your love endures forever.
that's all that matters.

so i worship you today with all my heart and soul...
needing you..and wanting to know and love you more..

reign in me.

spring cleaning

God is really cleaning me...from inside out.
it's like becoming a baby again.
crying when your mom gives you a bath..
the water feels so cold and then too warm..
you're afraid the soap will get in your eyes...
it's annoying...tiring...
but once you're done...
mom rubs and pats your hair dry..
gently wipes each limb each part of your skin dry..
you feel so clean..you feel so right.
i'm not there yet..
probably won't be till i'm in Heaven..
but i feel my Father is really cleaning me.
it's not the best feeling..
but it's the best feeling to know He wants me to be clean..
and that He is willing to clean me..no matter how dirty i am..
no matter how much i whine..
He is willing to bathe me, scrub me, wash me, dry me..
over and over again.
clean me!!

1st lesson/reminder of 20s: "judge not, that you be not judged."
simple...but sometimes you forget you're judging.

note to self: when you are feeling down, read the card pamela gave you on your 20th birthday.

verse from momma:
the Lord your God is with you,
he is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
he will quiet you with his love,
he will rejoice over you with singing.
- zephaniah 3:17

feeling

heavy and light
happy and sad
kind but lacking love
faithful but passionless
thankful but still wishful
relieved but tired
expectant but disappointed

words can't describe some feelings you experience. some scenery that makes you sit in silence. like yesterday when my roommate and i looked over the lake..how the water was glittering..with fish jumping out random slapping themselves in the face against the calm waters...the water reflecting..purple..gold..blue...looked like van gogh's starry nights..but no artist can capture the emotion and beauty i saw..everything doing what it was designed to do. the willow trees standing still with its hair over the lake. the grass swaying gently to the soft wind. everything speaking of the goodness and awesomeness of our Creator. everything standing still and doing what it is supposed to do..just stand in awe and worshiping Him. that's what we were created to do. it's simple.

i don't want to fall in the trap of false humility.
i don't want to be called humbled and be glorified for being humble.
i am not worthy to even be called humble..if you know what i mean.
i am nothing. i am not humble...i am nothing..nothing.
and that's not depressing..it's the truth.
my only worth is found in You..because You live in me..

why am i tired..
why am i discouraged..
why am i disappointed..
if You are my all?
that means i'm not there yet..
won't you be my only treasure?

keep my heart beating..
each beat only for You..
even when i'm unfaithful or unmindful
every beat, every breath is for You and You alone.

Jesus.

change is hard.
but if change means knowing You more..
change me, clean me, use me, fix me up all you want, Lord.
i'm all Yours. all Yours.

sacred romance

but the sword cuts both ways.
while our heart grows in its capacity for pleasure,
it grows in its capacity to know pain.
the two go hand in hand.
what, then, shall we do with disappointment?
we can be our own enemy,
depending on how we handle the heartache that comes with desire.
to want is to suffer; the word passion means to suffer.
that is why many Christians are reluctant to listen to their hearts.
they know that their dullness is keeping them from feeling the pain of life.
many of us have chosen simply not to want so much; it's safer that way.
it's also godless. that's stoicism, not Christianity.
sanctification is an awakening,
the rousing of our souls from the dead sleep of sin into the fullness of their capacity for life...

I am the Lord your God

you shall not curse the deaf or
put a stumbling block before the blind,
but you shall fear your God: I am the Lord.
-leviticus 19:14

who are you to curse
who are you to stumble
why waste energy
why waste time
screaming at the deaf
motioning to the blind

who are you

do you hear everything
do you see everything

humble yourself.

only thing we are even considered worthy, solely by Grace, to do is
tremble in fear at His feet and
confess that He is Lord.

one month!

Lord,

i want to shine like stephen.

by the hand

do the smiles look genuine?
maybe they were at the moment...but my heart was heavy the whole time there.
so cliched, but all you need is love.
everything you need is love.
i need more Love.

burn to shine

in darkness, there is no light.

in darkness, a candle shines bright.

a candle must first burn

in order to shine.

if you're in darkness

if you feel burnt out

you're at the right place.

use every hint of might

look up to the Light.

get ready to shine.

run ashley run

if i haven't seen you and i'm growing to love you this much,
i can't imagine how my heart will respond when i experience you with all five senses
or whatever senses i will have when i see you.



hillsong concert was a glimpse, tiny glimpse,
of the awe, wonder, glory, freedom, joy of eternity with our King.
we run to you, Lord! we run!

simply put

"Be on your guard, stand firm in the faith, be courageous, be strong. Do everything in love."
1 Corinthians 16:13

<3


thank you!

anthem

i still remember when i first heard this song.
and it became my prayer ever since...
the lyrics were so beautiful
but i couldn't sing them wholeheartedly.

it makes my eyes flood immediately to realize God answered me,
that this song has become my anthem...Saving Grace

night and day i seek Your face
long for You in the secret place
all i want in this life
is to truly know you more...

as the waters cover the sea,
so Your love covers me
guiding me on,
roads unknown
i trust in You alone

my Saving Grace
my endless Love
deeper and deeper i'm falling in love with You
my one desire
my only truth
deeper and deeper i'm falling in love with you

and i will rise on wings of eagles
soaring high above all my fears
i rest in Your open arms of love

spring!

it's still a little chilly..
but beautiful nonetheless!

adventure #1 of spring quarter:
destination: bahai temple

passion week

today marked the beginning of passion week early morning prayer.
i feel like my heart is going to burst into billion trillion gazillion other hearts.
i am so overwhelmed by Grace.
i need to literally consciously open my mouth to breathe.
each breath is so sweet and real.

so many images in my mind:
- a sponge soaking up God's love, being squeezed out like crazy, every drop of love, and being dunked and overflowing, dripping with love again.
- Jesus' blood showering down on us, like gentle, Holy rain, making us clean. when Jesus was bleeding, people were spitting at Him, laughing at Him, mocking Him, crowning Him with a crown of thorns. those people were my people. you and i were these people. but Jesus, looked down at them and thought about you and me, looked up, sighed, and loved them. and died. He died because He loved us at that moment. not our future sinless eventual pure selves but in our most sinful dirtiest darkest moment, His love and blood overflowed for us. He wanted to love us as we were, in our sin as sinners. but He couldn't, because He is God, and God is perfect and holy. He cannot exist with sin. so He needed sacred divine blood to wash away our sins, so that when He sees us, He sees not our sin, but His Son's sacrifice, and can freely love us more abundantly.
- having soft, stretch-able hearts. ever-expanding hearts.

dun forget.

i lawv nawlins

left a piece of my heart at nawlins.
every day was guaranteed to be filled with heartwarming smiles, happy people, live culture, and good food.
no two houses are the same color.
there are houses still rotting. politics already rotten.
but the city is filled with hopeful people who appreciate what they have and enjoy their city day by day.
mardi gras beads sparkling on tree branches and electric poles, spicy gumbo, delicious crawfish, and po' boy sandwiches.
whoa who da fatty.
but for so many reasons more than food..
i am coming back again for sure.

almost done

whoa just read my previous entry.
i was ranting all over the place.
hehe sometimes i sound crazy.

i think i'm almost done with this quarter.

i think i wrote the longest paper of my life.

twenty-two whopping pages.

all on the angry asian man.

this quarter was weird; i feel like there's no closure.

but closure is...just a word.
when was the last time you got closure when you needed to?
you just have to lift it up to Him and move on.
if you know what i me eee ean.

my little heart

in my little, weak soul is confused.

my little heart wants to love you more. know you more.

my little heart knows that you are jealous for me,
wanting my little heart to choose you.
i read it, i hear it, i feel it, i know it.
you are a jealous God. when you could care less, you are jealous for our love.
who are we that you should be jealous of our love..?

Lord,

i choose you. you know that.

i'm tired. i need you God.
You are testing my patience.
i know i will be emptied again, but fill me up.

i am so jealous for you. i am so jealous for you.
how much more can i show this...
what else can i do..should i do..
i'm so desperate for more of You in my life.
be evident, be bright, be tangible in my life, my every touch, my every smile, my every hug, my every word.

speak to me through your Word.

ahhhh i cry out to You, God.
my soul is thirsty for you..
but i will wait if it's not my time.
but as for me, i will wait on You.
for this, is an honor too.
to suffer for you, is an honor Lord.

just let me know that you are with me.
somehow..or is that asking too much...
is my faith too weak, Lord?
have mercy and pour Grace on this little faith of mine.
you have always done great with what little we have..or nothing we have.
i have nothing but You.
i can do nothing without You.
everything is meaningless with You.
it's all about You You You.

ahh i don't know.
i'm just going to praise you.
i guess ultimately, that's really all i can do..and need to do.
praise you.

my psalm to you.
knowing that You are my only hope.
my only light. my only true joy.
the one and only true God.
Living God.
faithful Creator.
Perfecter of our faith.
Savior.
Victory.
Healer.
Provider.
Father.
Comforter.
Love.

i place my Life in Your hands.
so blessed....so blessed i am.
i have nothing to worry about.

indeed.

"you don't have to know a lot of things for your life to make a lasting difference in the world.
but you do have to know the few great things that matter, and then be willing to live for them and die for them." - j.p.

worship

today, i worshiped my Father by doing body worship to a few e-camp songs from summer missions.

the songs are all kiddish? with childish, upbeat melodies and simple lyrics...
but i felt these special non-stop chills aka the Holy Spirit the whole time.

i miss the kids...i remember that so much of them have already harbored so much hate, pride, and hurt in their should be happy-innocent-carefree lives...their shells seemed so hard at first but turned out to be the shell of an egg. so fragile. so gentle. children.

i miss worshiping with them..praying for them..laughing with them..eating ice cream with them..singing with them..crying with them..taking pictures with them.
i miss them a lot today.

thank goodness there's a heaven..

God, i pray that these kids know You..
and forgive me for not keeping in touch with them..
only You are faithful..and all i can do is pray for them.

ah i'm getting teary. what the!
silly how i can get emotional after singing and dancing to fast upbeat songs talking about surfing with the Lord and Jesus being our Superhero...

but i guess God really looks at the heart of worship..
and even through these childish worship songs...He saw my heart.

thank you.

life

makes us run so fast we forget to breathe sometimes.

i don't know..but today the air was so sweet.
i was just relaxed in my bed wrapped in my blankets like a kimbap with my head sticking out.
i lay there blankly but became aware of my..breathing.
each breath i took in had such a sweet, clean scent i kept breathing in and out.
i haven't been conscious of my breathing in a while.
it's kinda fascinating...and feels really good.

don't forget to enjoy..each breath.
like my mom always says, when life weighs you down,
just look up and keep your eyes fixed on Jesus.



*chuckle chuckle.

dude. cute outfit huh!
rook at those riddol toej. (translation for mom: look at those little toes.)
aww i wanna hug her..me..myself..haha

not usual but

i'm at the point of whatever.













whatever.


but just the fact i realize that i'm at this point
shows i still care and am not totally whatever-ing my way out..


es que no hay nada que yo puedo hacer..

aww best times.

teachers

keep talking...and talking and talking...and talking...and talking...and talking.......for three hours.

teachers need to listen more.
maybe students will learn then.

we need more Jesus more often like this.

Dustin: God doesn't want us to serve him or glorify him... that's not our job
because God calls us children... meaning compare to God we're reallying nothing
me: yea! it's like what you told me at big momma's house
Dustin: when we were little kids... mom and dad didn't make us cook and do laundry for them
10:15 PM we just played with toys and just did stupid stuff
me: yeaa
Dustin: God just wants us to know and believe that he loves us conditionally
10:16 PM and we do believe... he glorified
he is glorified
me: so simpleee
hahaha HE GLORIFIED!
Dustin: yeah fob status
me: hahhahaha
niiiice
but you're right
Dustin: cause think about it logically
we're human, we're imperfect, we're stupid, we're sinners
God is perfect, God is God
10:17 PM so no matter how "good" you are or no matter how hard or how much you serve... you're still going to be far from perfect
me: very far
Dustin: and a perfect God can accept perfect things
can only accept
10:18 PM me: yea..so only..through having Jesus
10:19 PM Dustin: yup and that's why Jesus is so important... because Jesus was God, Jesus was perfect, therefore being a perfect sacrifice, a perfect act of worship, a perfect servant
me: ahhh so clear.
i need to seriously be reminded every day
10:20 PM Dustin: and so through Jesus our sins are washed so we're clean, but not only are our sins gone... Jesus now lives inside of us
10:21 PM me: yea...but sometimes...i get scared cuz...i keeep sinning. it's frustrating.
like...because i realize that God is so pure and holy and can't exist with sin
i hate sin that much more
yet..i still sin..and i know i probably will till i die
i think that's scary
10:22 PM and really sad
but it's because..
i'm a sinner right?
Dustin: were
if you believe Jesus died for you... you are a new creation (born again) and your new self is not a sinner
10:23 PM me: yes
Dustin: you will still sin of course as long you are on earth... but the real Ashley, the soul, is saved, a new creation, sinless
me: (:
Dustin: not because you're perfect but because someone who's perfect died and lives in you
me: yess
10:24 PM i forget..i forget
i think that's satan
playing with my mind
Dustin: yes of course... he does that to everyone
me: scary
Dustin: he doesn't distract you with bad stuff... like drugs or gangs and stuff like that
me: yea...he makes you feel hopeless
or guilty
10:26 PM Dustin: perfect love casts away all fear
God is love
if you're scared, depressed, feel guilty... than that's satan lying and playing with you
me: will my new heavenly body
need Jesus?
wait..
don't know if i phrased it right
10:27 PM like righ tnow...our earthly sinnful bodies need jesus
so that God can listen and accpet and love us
but will we still need Jesus in us in our heaveny bodies??
no right? since we're with him?..or is he iin us
i think i'm thinking too much now
HAHAHAHA
10:29 PM Dustin: well your new identity... is like you are Jesus and Jesus is you
it's not like Jesus and Ashley
but Jesusashley
me: HAHAHAHA
jessashley
got it
Dustin: so your heavenly body... even though it's hard to imagine... is like you are you but you are also Jesus
me: so when God sees me
it's not ashley
but jesusashley
got it
10:30 PM wowowowow
that's crazy
my mind is too litttle
seriously.....we're like a speck of dust
Dustin: for God SO LOVED the world that he gave is only begotten that whoever BELIEVES in him shall not perish and have everlasting life
10:31 PM so first if you feel guilt, shame, fear... that's not God... that's satan lying
me: yea
Dustin: because the foundation of Christianity is that Christ loved us first... even when we were still sinners
me: yes
Dustin: and second... you're saved and given eternal life not because you stop sinning but because you believe
10:32 PM me: this is good. yes
Dustin: if we could stop sinning... God wouldn't need to send Jesus... he knew that's why he made it so easy
me: duh ashley
yes
Dustin: he knows we can't that's why it says believe
me: im so blinded from the obvious
10:33 PM Dustin: believe meaning... even when you do sin and fall... know that I still love you and know that you are still saved and you that you still have eternal life
me: hallelujah
Dustin: believe. believe. believe.
not stop sinning. stop sinning. stop sinning.
10:34 PM me: believe. believe. believe.
10:35 PM i'm glad i talked to you today
that i can just bum in this computer lab
Dustin: haha
me: and chat with yoo haha
Dustin: ok one last thing... let me explain sin
me: please do
10:38 PM Dustin: think of sin to Satan like holy spirit to God
10:39 PM me: oyyy
makes sense
we have a lot of satan in us then
Dustin: so we're not sinners because we sin but we sin because this thing called sin lives in us
me: yea
10:40 PM it's like that post it you drew me
with sin inside that guy
right?
Dustin: yes
me: go on
10:41 PM Dustin: and so in this world... everyone is a descendant of adam and adam sinned so we are also all sinners
we're just born that way
me: yea
10:42 PM Dustin: so in the beginning man and God were together in the garden... and in sense it wasn't God and Adam but a Godadam
me: yeaa perfect adam
10:43 PM Dustin: but adam ate the fruit... and sinned... the sin here isn't doing something bad... but disbelief... he didn't believe that God was sufficient
back to believing
me: ahhh
neva thought of it..like that
10:44 PM Dustin: and so he ate the fruit and sinned (disbelief)
me: so true...the problem is...it's so hard for people to believe..
Dustin: yes very hard
10:45 PM me: and God just wants us to be like children
and just..believe
but no one does
or very few
Dustin: but people don't want to be children... they want to be God
they want to be in control
me: ahh right
10:46 PM Dustin: God is perfect and can't be with sin...
so God leaves
me: no choice but to leave
Dustin: so now it's just Adam no longer Godadam
me: yesss
10:47 PM dude...just preach this...and you can save souls
Dustin: but as a result of God leaving and sin entering the picture... sin is Satan's thing
Adam is now Satanadam
me: dangerousss
10:48 PM Dustin: and so after the fall of man (adam) because we are his descendants... we are all born Satandustin... Satan(yourname)
children of satan
me: ugh...
that's terrible
bunch of little satans surround me
10:49 PM Dustin: yup and that's why the world is in such a mess
not because of bad government or bad education
me: riiight
Dustin: but because in sense there's like 6 billion little satans running around on earth
me: omg..!!!!!
freaky imagery
10:50 PM Dustin: so stop real quick at Satanadam and back track back to Godadam
me: uh huh
10:51 PM Dustin: God said if you eat from the tree you will surely die
me: so...we should die
Dustin: adam ate from it but he didn't physically die
but God doesn't lie, he only speaks truth, which means Adam had to have died
10:52 PM so yes he's physically alive but spiritually he's dead
me: yea...
cuz God no longer in him..
Dustin: yup because God is life
so in a sense Godadam was lifeadam
10:53 PM me: yea
Dustin: and when God leaves, life leaves, and the absence of life is death
me: preach it bro
Dustin: so adam is dead
me: so i am dead
Dustin: you were
me: everyone
i was
Dustin: so two problems here... we are born dead, and we are born as satan(yourname)
10:54 PM me: yea
Dustin: actually three problems... sin (disbelief)
me: ahh yes . imiportant one
Dustin: ok so now Jesus
10:55 PM me: sollution: believe
Dustin: Jesus comes and dies for sin
me: yea
Dustin: And now without sin that means God can join us
10:56 PM me: and live in us again
Dustin: and Jesus says... I am the way the truth and the life
so if you substitute jesus with life... life lives in us
me: yea
Dustin: so we are no longer spiritually dead
me: so we alive
yea
Jesusashley
Dustin: or lifeashley
me: yeaa
Dustin: or Godashley
me: yes
10:57 PM Dustin: so no more sin, no more satanashley, and no more death because you have jesusashley and jesus is life
me: thank God..
and crazy thing is..
10:58 PM we didn't even do anything..
to deserve it
that's the whole
grace part
right
Dustin: yes
and that's why it's called the gospel... good news
me: i realy understand why people would name their daguthers grace
even tho it's so dang common
10:59 PM it's only by Grace...
yes very oood news
but people don't know it's good news
our minds are so tainted...
i think you should
come as a guest speaker
to my fellowship
i think we complicate things
times a million
11:00 PM Dustin: not just you guys... everybody
me: or satan makes us
complicate thingsss
but it's really...just simple..and good..and you just gotta believe
11:01 PM Dustin: ok so i explained John 3:16 earlier but now to another awana verse
ephesians 2:8-9
haha
me: yes!
awana!
there's a reason why
we learned these
11:02 PM i have learne...18 years later
hahahahahah
Dustin: so awana teaches you how to memorize but nothing about believing haha
sad
but anyways
me: reall sad
uh huh
Dustin: 8For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— 9not by works, so that no one can boast. 10For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Grace like you said
11:03 PM me: yes
Dustin: through faith or believing
me: the Bible is so clear
Dustin: it is a gift
which is back to grace
me: yes
Dustin: not by works so no one can boast
like you said earlier... we didn't do anything
11:04 PM me: nope
so theres nothinig to boast about
just be thankful
Dustin: yup
me: wow so clear
11:05 PM feels like i...wiped my glasses..after a period of buildup ahahahah
just gotta read the word...believe...love..enjoy..
11:06 PM Dustin: yup Jesus said it is finished. Meaning it's done. Nothing left to do. Nothing to add or take away.
11:15 PM me: yes
man..
11:16 PM i can't imagine..
not having Jesus..
how
hopelesss
and scary
11:17 PM Dustin: haha
and that's exactly why the world is the way it is
me: that's why we won't ever be able to "fix" it
no matter how many cnn heroes we have
11:18 PM Dustin: exactly
which doesn't mean don't help anyone
me: haha of course
Dustin: but know that the problem is bigger than just poor quality water or bad education
behind all that is satan
11:19 PM me: yea..
very big
Dustin: that's why famous people keep commiting suicide... they have money and "everything" but they're still unhappy so they're hopeless
11:20 PM me: seriously...
Dustin: everyone is scared of diseases, swine flu, money, etc...
like you said... hopeless and scared
me: you said something about..fear at hawaii
you kept repeating it
11:21 PM like fear is destruction
or fear is power
or something like that!!
haha i don't remember
exactl
but it was funny and true
Dustin: rich people use fear to control poor and dumb people
satan uses fear to control everyone
me: there you go
11:22 PM dang..satan has a good grasp of lots of people
but that's all cuz he's scared
cuz he knows what's coming
11:23 PM Dustin: yup
me: any last words?
11:24 PM i think imma head out soon!
miss my rooom!
hahaha sad
Dustin: that's it... believe and enjoy.
me: yes...i always tell ya...but i gotta say..i really adore the Jesus living in my brother.
11:25 PM thank you oppa!
talk to you later!
good night!
Dustin: you too
good night!
me: (:

yo

necesito cortar mi lengua.

desert song

tired.
dry.
thirsty.



but even cacti bear good fruit when the time is right.

i forget

He's coming back again.

He is Lord
He is Lord
sings my soul
He is Lord
and He lives
yessssss, He lives
i'm alive 'cause Jesus lives

He is coming back again.

listen and be blessed.

You listen

you do not have, because you do not ask.
you ask and do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.
you adulterous people!
do you not know that friendship with the world is enmity with God?
therefore whoever wishes to be a friend of the world makes himself an enemy of God.
or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says,
“He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us”?
but he gives more grace.
therefore it says,“God opposes the proud, but gives grace to the humble.”
submit yourselves therefore to God.
resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
draw near to God, and he will draw near to you.
cleanse your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded.
be wretched and mourn and weep.
let your laughter be turned to mourning and your joy to gloom.
humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will exalt you.


thank you for hearing me.
Saving Grace.

"remember

we're gonna pray whenever we feel those waves and let Father God know what's up.."

thank you God for this sister.

i lied.

i guess i will have to blog about the weather.
but i'm not complaining.

i wore a long sleeve shirt with a warm gray cardigan.
leggings, two warm socks, my black combat boots.
my favorite, most reliable brown winter jacket.
scarves and earmuffs to top it all off.

but i felt like my teeth were going to fall off
and i was having an outer brain freeze.
once you go from outdoors to inside..
you feel like frozen meat on sang gyup sal frying pan.

i couldn't help but think..
about all the homeless people in evanston.
the brother in his wheelchair in front of cvs.
the other brother in front of wholefoods.

i know God doesn't expect me to fix the world.
but i couldn't help but feel guilty.
and my heart really hurt.
i can't even imagine our Father's.

i don't want these people to lose hope.
but you can get pretty dang depressed when the wind burns your face
and shoots through even your warmest jacket.
how much can clothes do...

as i walked past cvs,
i prayed a little prayer for my brother.
that God would keep him warm.
but i still feel so selfish.

have compassion on both of us God.
we are desperate.
we forget how desperate we are.
thank you for your compassion and steadfast love despite this.

psalms 149-150

i am in awe of my Lord right now.

why are you so good to me?

for the Lord takes pleasure in his people;
He adorns the humble with salvation.
let the godly exult in glory;
let them sing for joy on their beds.

in the end, whatever happens, it's all about this.

let everything that has breath praise the Lord.

what else can i do..?

the video may be blank.
but the words have meaning.
the voice has a heart.
the soul has strength.
the spirit has God.

God is so good

what a good day.
what a real God.
the only true and Living God.
i can't process the amazingnessssss of what happened today.


on another note,
it's 4:15 am and i should sleep.

but i have some thoughts gliding back and forth like subtitles across my mind.
and it bugs me that i am having these thoughts.

BUT

thank You for reminding me that letting go
means having a tighter grasp of You.

i've

never felt so hesitant to write a story.

i have a feeling i'm going to get lost.
north south east west.
i suck with directions.
i wish i had a car.
i'm just a little scared.

i hope to blog about a insightful, fun adventure when i get back.

thanks for being with me Jesus.
keep me safe.

i don't know...

you just are.



no right or wrong
past future whatever
feelings come and go
but this is constant. stable. unchanging. eternity. forevermore. everlasting.
so you are too.
understand or don't
matter. of fact is

you just are.


loved.
so be
let it go and be
and enjoy Me
be freeeeeeeeeeeeee~d
om rings ding dong alarm
knock knock who's there
wake up call to me. jeremiah 33:3.
don't be scared of the dark.
it's morning. dew sweet. mercy fresh.
iloveyouiloveyouiloveyou the same.

get out.
shine bright. don't try.
you're already shining.
you are the light.
for He is the Light.
and the Light is in you.

this is simple.
but we magnify. simplify. multiply.
too many answers. too many questions.
erase the knowledge.
experience the Truth.

loosen up. put your head back.
take a deep breath.
be still.

in silence, His presence is so loud.
in silence, His glory brings bowed hearts bowed knees
in silence, His love floods eyes with tears of joy
in silence, ...
it's beyond just feeling.
but knowing. trembling. fearing. revering.

this is my stream of consciousness going.
i don't know what i'm saying.

but i just know that i am...
so you just know that you are.

i just am.
you just are.
loved.

ashton

sometimes,

when i need to interview a homeless guy on the street
shoot some scenes on the camera at night
wait to catch the train back home when it's dark

i wish i were a man.


...



BECAUSE SOMETIMES IT'S JUST SCARY OUT HERE.
and i get scared. i am scared.


i need the confidence of a man journalist.
like hey, talk to me. let me hear your story.
i'm a man. but i'm gentle. i'll be your voice.

not like..excuse me..? oh..you're busy. i see..
ok...THANKS ANYWAY! whew...i'm alive.

prayer and breathing

this breath i breathe is Holy.

in Jesus Christ, God became one of us to lead us through Jesus into the intimacy of His divine life.
Jesus came to us to become as we are and left us to allow us to become as He is.
by giving us His Spirit, His breath, He became closer to us than we are to ourselves.
it is through this breath of God that we can call God "Abba, Father" and can become part of the mysterious divine relationship between Father and Son.
praying in the Spirit of Jesus Christ, therefore, means participating in the intimate life of God himself.

thomas merton said: the union of the Christian with Christ...is a mystical union in which Christ Himself becomes the source and principle life in me.
Christ Himself...breathes in me divinely in giving me His Spirit.

imagine God's breath.
we are like asthmatic people who are cured of their anxiety.
through Jesus, we receive new breath, new freedom, new life.

prayer is God's breathing in us.

each breath..is so precious. so divine. so sweet.
let's not waste...

dang

a period that sheds a tear becomes a comma;
a comma that gathers its tear becomes a period.
- supreme t


, , , , , , and .

.

but i somehow have a feeling
that this is just the beginning
of the end.

repetition may work in this case

God provides.

i worry.
i doubt.

God provides.

i still worry.
i still doubt.

God still provides.
He still provides...

no more worry.
no more doubt.

God always provides.

why worry?
why doubt?

He always always..always...provides.

really.
it blows my mind.
this Love just gives...i can't help but give back.

my daughter,

did you show the world a picture of me?

"i'll say i'm from the earth village!!"

you know it's cold when the wind gets ice-y.
i'm not going to write about weather anymore.

but stars and lights.

it's odd how i can be so comforted by this string of lights.
so thin and flimsy but so strong and protective of me.

christmas lights are still everywhere in the city.
stores. trees. bushes.

the snow covers these lights with a clean, frosting-like layer
but the light still shines through.

the dark reminds me that i'm alone.
the dark reminds me that i need light.

it's not a feeling thing. it's not a seeing thing.
it's a knowing thing.

knowing the light is there even when it's not on.
it can turn on..but i resist.

i see how long i can handle the dark
till i can't and turn it back on

but i shouldn't abuse the switch. on. off.
life ain't that convenient.

the light wasn't on yesterday.
everything was off. dark.

but i wasn't scared.
i looked up and saw stars

glowing neon and bright like our smiles.
the universe seemed dark and lonely.

we are lonely people.
we try so hard not to feel lonely.

you are alone, though.
you are supposed to be. and will be.

you..are never really alone, though.
the light is there.

is there light
there is light
light is there

the room seemed so bright with His Spirit.
the sharing. the laughter. the praise.

the soul wondering. the soul craving. the soul shouting.
the Spirit is willing but the flesh is weak.

the flesh has to go.
the only thing that keeps you going is the Spirit.
let it go.

when my little mind and little heart try to fathom His Love
i stop.
too overwhelming. explosion. reaching for the stars.

but you just know. He loves. just know that.
enjoy it. cherish it. guard it.
and grow in it til it overflows waterfall style.

i can go on.
but Time is chasing after me.
or i am chasing after Time.

feels like hide-and-seek.
life's a game? where winners losers are the same.
it doesn't matter. we weren't meant for this life.


happy saturday morning!

call to me

thef-ingweather.com says that "it's f-ing cold."
weather.com tells me it feels like 7 degrees.

i think i miss hawaii.

i'll be okay.

my roomie surprised me with white christmas lights bordering the top of our window.
wayyyyyyyyy better than night lights.

jeremiah 33:3

tocar la guitarrrrrrrrrrrrra

dear pumpkin,
i know you are mad.
but please know that i am also sad.
i wanted to take you with me, too.
but they say you are too big as a carry-on bag.
we made a lot of memories this winter break.
thanks for being patient with my repetitive mistakes.
next time i will learn how to tune you (properly)
find you your missing strap
and play more corinne bailey rae. yay
till we meet again with my metal kazoo.
please know that i..i really like you.
and will officially be missing you,
like your first song! yoohoo