promises

blessed are the poor in spirit,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
-matthew 5:3

blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
-matthew 5:10

blessed are you when people insult you, persecute you and falsely say all kind of evil against you because of me. 
rejoice and be glad, because great is your reward in heaven,
for in the same way they persecuted the prophets who were before you.
-matthew 5:11-12

thank You, Jesus.

chain

lie after lie after lie after lie
after lie after life after lie after
lie after lie after lie after lie

may the chain of lies be broken.
in Jesus' Name.

amen.

cinco

had a short but very meaningful email exchange with my sister-in-law.
without much thought, i archived the email under my "family" tab.
and then i caught myself and thought, "whoa, i did that so naturally..."

i actually don't know why i decided to write this in my blog,
but i think i kind of surprised myself.
while i thought my brother's marriage hasn't "hit me" yet,
i realize it hasn't because jenn has felt like family all along, ever since the first time i saw her.
and i'm just really thankful for her,
and i'm so happy she is my brother's wife, my sister, that she is part of my family.

especially after this labor day weekend, i realize it's the five of us now,
and it's a really cool, warm feeling. oxymoron?
it's like cool!! we're family!!?!! awww~ heartwarming, secure feeling...

it's crazy that God lets us rejoice in times of suffering.
it's crazy God commands us to rejoice always, even/especially in times of suffering.
because God is with us. He is with us.

You are with our family.
this family would not be standing if not for Your Grace.
thank You, Lord, for my family.
thank You for second chances.

humble pie neva tasted so goo'

this little boy sits in front of me every saturday at morning prayer.
his mom sits on his right. and his dad sits on his mom's right.

i thought, wow.. he's so young (looks 8?) but he wakes up early on saturday to come with his parents.
how cute, he's leaning on his mom. he looks tired. he looks bored. aw, he looks miserable.

all these thoughts run across my mind. i unconsciously judge this child.

this saturday morning,
i was tired.
and tired for good reason:
all-night prayer and scripture reading.

i thought i had prayed enough.
but i didn't feel relief.
went through a list of names and faces in my head.
i remembered what i read from proverbs.
wisdom, yes. understanding, yes.
humility before honor, yes.
humility comes with wisdom, yes.

ok. what now?

frustrated, confused, disappointed almost,
i close my eyes and remember the morning message:
luke 18. don't give up praying. be persistent. don't give up.

i sat with my eyes closed.
wondering what to pray for next,
and i hear a familiar melody,
one that's been ringing in my heart since mexico:

"Shekinah Glory fall down...."

i lean forward, trying to make sure i didn't make that up..
didn't want to force a melody... it's probably another song, similar lyrics.

"..... Shekinah Glory fall down...."

i reach for my glasses and look in front of me.
in fervent prayer, rocking in his chair, eyes squeezed so tightly,
the boy.
it's the little boy, who i thought must be miserable coming here on a saturday morning,
asking for Shekinah Glory to fall down.

"here we are standing in your presence,
here we are standing in your presence,
Shekinah Glory fall down...
Shekinah Glory fall down..."

how does he even know this song?

i sing along with him in between my tears.
the first tears i've shed during this all-night prayer meeting that almost felt...dry.
just an hour before, my tongue was spitting out all these words.
but all i was getting/feeling was silence.

but as i thanked God for this little brother and blessed him,
God started to speak to my heart.
i started remembering all the prayers i screamed to God,
asking that we may be the generation that seeks His face.

i thank God...
for humbling me.
i ask for forgiveness for judging the boy,
for judging the generation that is rising to seek His face, O God of Jacob.

i hear the boy praying,
"not me, Lord. not me, God.
i don't want to be glorified. it's You. it's all about You.
You have to be glorified..."

i'm smiling like crazy at this point,
almost laughing..
and crying at the same time.
only God can make you do that.
only He can make you feel all those crazy emotions at once...

and then i realize...
He just wanted me to ask simple prayers.
simple, bold prayers.
for His Glory to be revealed and fall down in every person, area of my life.
in this church, in the missions field, in the world...
for Shekinah Glory to fall down....

man.
thank You again for humbling me, God.
i was reading all these proverbs and wise sayings.
i was seeking wisdom and understanding...
but you've shown me,
those heavenly gifts are only given to the humble. the "little ones" at heart, the pure in heart.

the more wisdom and understanding i want,
the deeper in humility i need to dive.

the more authority i want in praying,
the more wisdom, the more power i want in my prayers,
the more humble i need to be...

Humble King,
only you know the way to my heart.
your silence did not mean your absence.
you did not want me to give up.
you wanted me to simply pray as a child, as your child,
asking for her Father's Glory to fall down on her and those around her.

thank you, that you don't give up on me.
that you are willing to discipline me in your silence,
and grow me. teach me. humble me. love me.

keep me humble, Lord.
in my prayers... in my conversations.. in my thoughts.
and may these prayers, conversations, and thoughts honor you.
may my living, may my life honor you, Jesus.

in Jesus' Name i pray.
Amen.