hmm

it felt like elmer's glue on your fingers.

i couldn't open my eyes when i woke up.
my right eye opened a little easier.
but my left eye took much effort to let loose.

i realized i cried myself to sleep.
the tails of my eyes were kinda crusty. (hehe)
silent soft tears.

i don't know why.
i guess i'm really scared to go back.

when it comes down to it,
all i have,
all i have is
God.

but You are everything.
all i need.

more than enough.

'preciate it

the way my brother says "'preciate it" always makes me laugh.

but i really do appreciate how God gently shoves answers in my face.
gently enough that i question myself if it could be the answer..
but shoving it so i can't escape from it..

He knows i need His help.
and He gives it. just not right away. unexpected.
that's okay.

i just know that there have been too many coincidences the past months for me to believe in coincidences anymore.

there is no such thing as coincidence.

it wasn't a coincidence.
God is at work. always.

even when-
especially when it doesn't seem like it.

mahalo, Jesus

aloha from hawaii!

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~
yaowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!

ya hear me?
this is how the ladies shout while they're hula dancing.
it sounds pretty freaky...exactly how i wrote it out.
but they're so hot it doesn't really matter.

christmas in hawaii.
ohana: koka (kola), kine, kukine, ahulei.
and
phil jackson looking mighty cute in his red tie.

merry christmas!

thank you, Jesus Christ.

mustard

i like mustard.

the mustard seed is one of the smallest seeds.
He asked of us to just have faith the size of a mustard seed.



that's kinda...really tiny. like gross, itchy tiny.
imagine how we appear to God...if a mustard seed looks like that to us.
but we lack even that little. at least i feel i do.
He didn't ask much of us, did He.
but Jesus knew it would be hard for us to even have that little faith.
but i guess we don't need a lot. just as much as a mustard seed.
God is so big He can do so much with what little we have.

worrying is a disease.
don't worry about what we can or can't do.
we can't do anything.
but He doesn't ask us to do more than we can.
He just wants our hearts to be willing to do His work.
trust.
He'll provide the rest.

i want to plant a few mustard seeds in my backyard.
along with my sweet potatoes. pumpkin patch. sangchoos. and mini cornfield.
next to my little herb garden of mint, lavender, and rosemary.!!!
near my little treehouse slightly shadowed by my favvvvorite willow tree.
there are actually two willow trees. whose longgg thin branches of soft leaves are swaying calmly along with the big, comfy hammock hanging from the two trees.
and there will also be a little basketball court. and biiiig trampoline.
oh and a little row of tulips..! :)

why..am i planning my..backyard again? ahhhhahahaha

be young when you can.
it's fun to imagine.

when i think...

when i think about the Lord
how He saved me, how He raised me
how He filled me with the Holy Ghost
how He healed me to the uttermost
when i think about the Lord
how he picked me up
turned me around
how He set my feet
on solid ground

it makes me want to shout
hallelujah! thank you, Jesus!
Lord, You're worthy
of all the glory, and all the honor
and all the praise!
Hallelujah! thank you, Jesus!
Lord, You're worthy
of all the glory, and all the honor
and all the praise!

He saved me yesterday.
He saved me today.
He will save me tomorrow.
He continues to save.

but thank you for saving me today...oh God. thank You. i will not forget.


i think sometimes..i forget i'm saved.
i forget..i was dead.
and i'm still dead. but He keeps me alives...by continually saving me moment by moment.

let's dance..!

worlds apart

all said and done i stand alone
amongst remains of a life i should not own
it takes all i am to believe
in the mercy that covers me

did you really have to die for me?
all i am for all you are
because what i need and what i believe are worlds apart

and i pray,
to love you - take my world apart
to need you - i am on my knees
to love you - take my world apart
to need you - broken on my knees
- jars of clay

i remember when everything looked so beautiful.
i couldn't imagine what could be so great about heaven when we have earth.

but the more i know Jesus, the more this world seems so scary, dirty, empty, dry, and lost.
i can see and feel brokenness.
everywhere.
everyone.

we are worlds apart for now. for now.
but You are in my heart.
You make me whole again.
take my world apart and fill it up with You You You.

pumpkin pie

can't get enough of it.

i've been going to whole foods and getting a fat slice of pumpkin pie at least twice of week.

but there's something better than p-pie. the Word.

which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?
if you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children,
how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!
- matthew 7

ask, ask, ask.

come

to Me, and I will give you rest.

i need rest.
the quarter system needs to take a few chill pills.

it's already 5. shoot.

"yet you did not call upon me, O Jacob;
but you have been weary of me, O Israel!
you have not brought me your sheep for burnt offerings,
or honored me with your sacrifices.
i have not burdened you with offerings,
or wearied you with frankincense.

you have not bought me sweet cane with money,
or satisfied me with the fat of your sacrifices.
but you have burdened me with your sins;
you have wearied me with your iniquities.

I, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I will not remember your sins.
put me in remembrance; let us argue together;
set forth your case, that you may be proved right.
your first father sinned, and your mediators transgressed against me.
therefore I will profane the princes of the sanctuary,
and deliver Jacob to utter destruction and Israel to reviling.

but now hear, O Jacob my servant, Israel whom I have chosen!
thus says the LORD who made you, who formed you from the womb and will help you:
Fear not, O Jacob my servant, Jeshurun whom I have chosen.
For I will pour water on the thirsty land, and streams on the dry ground;
I will pour my Spirit upon your offspring, and my blessing on your descendants."

- isaiah 43:22-44:3

i'm so glad You don't get tired and sick and weary of me, God.
we don't love You properly.
instead, we burden You with our sins, and You constantly wash them..because You choose to make us clean, strengthen us, help us to love You, help us to sacrifice, help us to obey.

God, You don't even need our worship. You don't need our recognition.
You are..God. and You are already glorified in that.
You don't need us. we need You.
we. need. You.

oh..how He loves us

who are you?
who is God?

who are you to God?
who is God to you?

so many things have happened in just one week i don't think i can explain in just one blog entry. i want to write, i want to share, i want to shout..!!
but not yet.
i need to process first. process leads to progress.

but if there's anything i learned this weekend,
it's that even if i start right now. and try to really live every second for God, it's still not enough. and even while knowing that, He still loves me and wants me to be one in glory with Him because i was one in His death. i have been crucified with Christ and i no longer live, but Christ lives in me. Christ in me is to live. to die is to gain. this is too good to be true, guys. too good.

it's already crazy that He died for me. but what's crazier is that He also wants me live in glory with Him.

so who am i?
who is God?

who am i to God?
who is God to me?

You are God in heaven.
and here am i on earth.
so i'll let my words be few.
Jesus, i am so in love with You.

it sounds a little silly and corny but i really feel like i'm in Love. i just want to make Him happy, and please Him.

He answered and answers prayers.

and really just longs for us to trust and stay close to Him.

listen to this. be blessed. oh how He loves us.

this is crazy

so i must share..!

do you really really shreaaally believe when you pray?
do you really believe God is listening to your prayers?!

and all the other thoughts and things on your mind..

He knows what's best for us.

i had a huge headache...like throbbing thump thump thump all night and even during my midterm. after my quiet time today i just prayed and said..God i know you are a healing God and i just ask that when i get up from this prayer, my headache will be gone. thank you for healing my headache...
and honestly..i had my doubts..but i was like no no..i'm not doubting..

and guess what.

the headache is gone.
i just sat in my bed, shaking my head to make sure the headache wasn't just gone temporarily.
but really. it just vanished.
and i just stared in awe and my roomie started smiling in joy.

a joy shared
a joy doubled
a sorrow shared
a burden half
something like that.

but anyway,

wuh duh heck...!!!!

God is so real and revealing Himself to me these days... i'm so overwhelmed and grateful..

so pray, listen, live, and act.
we can do it through Him!!!

i breathe it all in

'cause it smells like a good memory.

you have those moments.
scent is sensitive.
fall is full of scents.

midterm time.
studying's fun when you know you have enough time.
which is rarely..never the case.

i miss high school. the people. i want to know how they are, how their life stories are coming along.

speaking of stories, i'm reading leviticus right now, aka most boring book of the Bible...
but who knew...it would be so...interesting?!!!!!
You were, are, will always be Good to us.

dec. 2 - jan. 4, tickets purchased, can't wait..!

overflow

He's changing me, my precious Jesus.
i'm not the same person that i used to be.
sometimes it's slow ~ going
but there's a knowing
that one day perfect i will be.

little by little everyday
little by little every way
my Jesus is changing me.
(oh yes He's changing me~)

since i've made a turnabout face
i've been walking in His grace
my Jesus is changing me.

?

Jesus is the answer.
Jesus is the answer.
JESUS IS THE ANSWER..!!

we keep shoving answers in people's faces,
and these answers are just driving them away more
because they aren't asking any questions in the first place.
that's the problem.
no one is asking questions anymore.
yet we try to answer.

i want to live a life that people will observe and question.
a life style that will make people curious, intrigued, interested...
and then i will give them the answer.
Jesus.

acts 16: 25-32

what you want

is what you get
when it comes to Christ.
you can get as close as you can.
He's all arms. open wide.

restore unto me the
Joy of Thy Salvation.
restore. restore. restore.
restored.

i love running at night.
especially while listening to cathy's stories.
i was so encouraged. and thankful.
let's really be women of God. of prayer.

she reminded me to count my blessings.
we are all blessed.
but i can't just count.
i must be one.
be a blessing!
go go go

on another note,
i feel i'd rather not say anything. shouldn't. wouldn't. won't.
i don't like want need anything forced.
why explain yourself when
your friends don’t need it
your enemies won’t believe it..


i'm excited to start the dew, my new daily devotional.
keep me accountable, Holy Spirit!
You are my Dew.
and i'm going to make sure i do my dew!
for You!
:)
i love You!

and rhyming~

--edit 101409--
but sometimes, if God is telling you to, you have to explain yourself.
so i threw away my pride and obeyed.
the chains broke loose once again.
i felt so free.
He knows what's best for me.

ah ahm on a rhyming roll.

con

"you don't dream of, you soñar con."
- prof. colburn

me gusta la palabra "con."
soñar con,... es tan bonita, no?

do it

forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.
- mark twain

forgiveness is Beauty.
forgiveness is Love.

and

it's true.

not all who wander are lost.
because
i feel like i'm wandering...

but i don't feel lost at all.
at all.

and God is showing me so much every day.
i can't take it all in.
but i'm loving and thanking Him for each moment.
AHHHHHHHHHH
i feel so free in You.

before i go,

you can kiss your family and friends good-bye and
put miles between you, but at the same time you carry them with
you in your heart, your mind, your stomach, because you do not
just live in a world but a world lives in you.
- frederick buechner; telling the truth

faith never knows where it is being led.
but it knows and loves the One who is leading.
- oswald chambers


my fam and friends with me
Jesus in me
no doubt within me
so free free free
i'm in Love with Thee

ashley,

prayer is listening. - dk

sunfish

our dinner conversation yesterday centered mainly around fish.
i have no clue why.
maybe because we were eating at the guppy house.
but somehow ernest was talking about this weird, sausage-looking fish he saw in korea.
and edward continued, saying that the uglier the fish, the tastier.
then ernest started to imitate this really ugly fish. he couldn't remember the name!
so out of frustration and showing that he understood what ernest was referring to, edward started imitating the ugly fish too. hands and all.
i wasn't embarrassed. i promise.
and dustin started saying he thinks he knows the fish they're talking about, saying the fish looks like a giant rock. like this! *and he started petting his arm as if it were a rock or something...
the waitress kept walking by our table to the next table. but i realized...no one was even at the next table.
long story short, we finally found the fish.
on his iphone, ernest typed many search words like: big ugly fish, two long fins ugly fish, really ugly fish mouth, big face fish, etc. we eventually found it on the monterrey bay aquarium website and celebrated. (my brother remembered seeing the fish at the same aquarium.) and we finally figured out its name:

OCEAN SUNFISH
what a pretty name! for such a...unique fish!
it's a little ugly at first sight,
but i think it's CUTE!

so now, i want to see one!
let's go one day!

i

bowed to all the golden people and golden things, to one day be golden too.
but Jesus was in the furnace.

leave the light on

said mama papa do
leave the light on
when i'm comin' home to you


'cause I get scared in the dark at night
when I can't find my key
so leave the light on for me.

i was never so relieved to see the sunrise.
5. 5:30. 6...6:30.........the sun didn't want to wake up.
fell asleep around 8 am.

i remember thinking before i went to bed,
i wouldn't mind if every day were like today.

waking up to my body's own alarm clock.
laughing and dancing with oppa to ghood (no typo) music.
eating a yummy meal by umma.
reading in bed and falling asleep like a full baby.
talking to a precious friend all night.

but it was so hard to sleep.
it took so long to get myself to turn the light off.
the darkness too thick and heavy.
the silence too loud.
the mind a jellyfish in its own sea of thoughts.

floating. drowning?

but one thought stood out;
don't get too comfortable.
don't wish every day was like today.
there's not enough time to get comfortable.

and always give thanks
even when you're not comfortable.
you're not supposed to be comfortable.
there's no time for that in this world.

and i got scared.
went to the restroom three more times.
turned this laptop on and off about twice.
and fell asleep with a book in my face.

stability is an illusion.

the only constant is change.

----------------------------------------
guess what i got? just in time...

선생님!
한글로 친절하게 써주셔서 감사해요
god is good???
all the time!!!

all the time???
god is good!!!
꼭 기억할께요
사랑해용!!!
그리고 저도 선생님 잊지 않을께요
선생님과 저 찍은사진 핸드폰 화면에 있어요...
이거 비밀이예요 다른선생님들이 아시면 곤란해져용!~~
I LOVE ASHLEY KIM TEACHER!!!


they make me smile. (:
reuuuuuuuuuuuuuuul big.


to all perfection I see a limit;
but your commands are boundless.
psalm 119:96

primetime at nine

i've had no time to really sit down and blog so i've actually been journaling more.

i don't have much to say except that this is a summer i won't be able to forget.

we all have a story.
we all are trying to create and shape our own stories.

i'm learning so much just through hearing, reading, recording, writing, sharing them.

but all stories, even the ones we love and cherish most, must end.

only one story lasts forever.
His.
always comes down to Him.
and it's how we should begin and conclude ours.
that doesn't mean our individual stories don't matter.
our unique stories are crucial segments, chapters of a greater Story.
the most beautiful Story of all. redemption.
with the best ending.
neverending.

rip dj.

be simple-hearted.

visited my babies today!
yea i'm sick and i haven't gone numero dos for like 5 days hollllay binnnnch but my kids made me feel betttter. vayyy betttter.

took bus and subway to 명동 with kancho eum.

work starts tomorrow! i ssong know vat to expect.
but expectations aren't good anyways.

just checked my e-mail
to find:

Hi~ Ashley teacher my name is judy
선생님!! 오늘 교회에 오셔서 깜짝 놀랐어요...
옆친구와 선생님들이 그냥 교회에서 사셨으면 좋겠다라는 말을 했어용ㅋㅋ
그동안 선생님들이 보고싶어서 혼자 집에서 운적도 있었어요
또오시라고 기도도 했고요...
그런데 그 기도가 드디어 이루어 졌네요...
그래서 하나님께감사했어요 또오세요...

yaw.
it sounds so corny and cheesy.
but
all you need is love.
love is the movement.
and these kids really showed me
how hard it is initially
yet once you become vulnerable and break down your walls
it's so easy to love.
just pure-hearted, boundless love.
through words, hugs, letters, gifts, tears.
we make it unnecessarily complicated.
it's simple.
but who said simplicity is easy huh...

God opens doors we can't close.
God closes doors we can't open.

process----->progress.

phillipians 4:13

euna lee and laura ling freed.
yes!


missions almost over.
praise God!

e-camp. click here.

have no fear

i...just gchatted with my brother. who's downstairs. haha

i just read this, and had to post it.

don't be afraid of anything, never be afraid, and don't torment yourself.
only be steadfast in your repentance, and God will forgive you everything.
there is no sin, nor can there be any sin in the whole world, that God would not forgive the truly penitent.
it is altogether beyond any man to commit a sin so great that it would exhaust God's infinite love.
for can there be such a sin as would exceed God's love?
keep your thoughts on repentance alone--continually--and cast out fear from your mind.
do not forget that God loves you beyond your imagining, for He loves you sinful as you are and despite your sin.
there is more joy in heaven over one that repents of his sins than there is over ten righteous ones; this was spoken long ago.
go then, and do not be afraid. do not be distressed by people, nor harbour anger if they have offended you.
forgive the deceased in your heart, however he might have offended you, and be truly reconciled to him.
if you repent, you must love. and if you love, you are of God...
Love gains everything, redeems everything.
and if even i, a sinful being just as you are, have been moved and have pity for you, how much more so will God.
Love is such a priceless treasure that you can purchase the whole world with it, and redeem not only your own but other people's sins too.
go now, and have no fear.
- fyodor dostoevsky; the brothers karamazov

random thoughts are thrown at me tonight.
we should constantly grow and change.
we need to.
God loves us just the way we are.
but loves us too much for us to stay the same.
only He can change us. so listen, listen, listen,
and let Him...

i guess i can see how i'm doing with God based on how i live out my relationships.
and how i go about my relationships is based on my relationship with God.
how much i'm willing to give love, gratitude, honesty, and compassion to someone. it's so true...
because everyday we face and make many decisions about how much we're willing to give and impact every person we come into contact with.

and our God gives us a choice. a choice to love. to not.

to be fragile together and vulnerable with each other. to see each other in our most bare, sincere state.

the more you give yourself to God the more you can give yourself selfessly to others. yet still feel complete in Him.
for true love is selfless. and God's love in you is boundless.

but it's up to you.
it's your choice.

ya dig a pig a lig?

1. 친구의 이름은? catherine cathy 자홍 dolce min, but she likes it when people call her 자홍. even better, 홍자. "홍자 누나!"

2. 친구의 생일은? february 27 너의 생일~ 홀로 남아 홀로 남아 falling love shaday~

3. 친구의 첫사랑은? 나. 말고~ ㅋㅋ 하나님... 말고~ raspberry. 불쌍한 놈. his loss.

4.친구를 가장 처음으로 본 날은? first day of high school

5. 그친구의 첫인상은? "HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII~~~~!!!!!" *ears ring

6. 그 친구의 성격은? 솔직하고, 발랄하고, 같이 있으면 즐겁고, 알수록 매력있고, 편안하고, 지혜럽고, 재치 10점 만점에 10점.

7. 친구의 장점은? 무지 무지 땅 아래쪽 이다...jk... very very down-to-earth!

8. 친구의 단점은? 너무 완벽하다. ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ 가끔 오보 씽킹 한다. 나두 water론.

9. 친구에게 가는 호감도는? 완전 대빵 호빵 호감! 더 알수록 높아진다.

10. 친구가 잘하는 과목은? econ, art history, peer counseling, brunch, lunch. how can i forget psychology. you lectured me everyday. "according to dorinda,"

11. 친구가 좋아하는 음식은? 빨리 버~~섯! ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ

12. 친구가 싫어하는 음식은? ...잇나? ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ 설마~ 잘먹어서 좋다!

13. 친구의 가족 관계는? 엄마 공주님, 아빠 곰, 멋쟁이 동생 태홍이

14. 어느날 친구가 바보같은짓을한다면? 나두 같이 하고있따....sausage package 이니까..

15. 친구에게 나쁜상황이 닥친다면? 같이 울꺼같아...기도해주고, 밥 맜있게 비벼서 같이 죽자!

16. 친구를 위해 해줄수있는것은? 말 만해~

17. 친구의 취미는? photography. 은근히 잘 찍어!

18. 친구의 특기는? 자기도 모르는 완전 애교쟁이 다. 나 보다 더...랩 할때 나두 반한다. 멌있따.

19. 친구가 좋아하는 숫자는? 7 ---> 8!

20. 이 친구의 장래희망은? 에즈 매니 에즈 포시불. 1 of each. or two of each. or three of each? hahahahaha jk
...
*edit hahahahahaha 장래희망인데..뭐래니...
entertainment company ceo
작가
professional photographer/blogger
fashion marketing
we shall go to missions together!
humble servant of God (:

21. 이 친구가 즐겨하는것은? 화보촬영~ 사진찍이~ 글쓰기~ 책읽기~ 음악/영화 감상~ 쇼핑!

22. 친구가 좋아하는 드라마는? full house, 그사세

23.이 친구와 같이 자주 가는 곳은? montefino, cue, heritage park, inland, the hill where we can see all the city lights. where he almost asked you to prom. and the cops came. fml. i had finals the next day. hahahaha

24.이 친구가 가장 행복해 할때는? 먹을때 ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ <3

25. 이 친구가 가장 슬퍼할 때는? 배고플때. 너무 더울때.

26. 친구가 가장 가보고싶어하는 나라는? italy

27. 그 친구가 좋아하는 날씨는? she hates hot weather. not too hot. not too cold. just right breeze. sd weather.

28. 친구가 잘하는 운동은? ...운..동? 우동? 숨쉬기. ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ jk jk! tell me dance!

29. 친구의 가장 좋은점은? open mind. open heart.

30. 친구의 이상형은? oh. i have a document. hahahahahahahaha! shall i attach?

31. 친구의 첫인상은? someone's happy..ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ 장난이고! so friendly! bright!

32. 친구의 성격은? 그냥 그래...ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ 이해심짱. 배려짱. optimistic. yet realistic.

33. 친구가 가장 좋아하는 연예인은? danny ahn.

34. 친구의 매너점수는? 10점 만점에 100. yes. 100.

35. 친구와의 관계는? 7년쩨 열애중

36. 친구와 싸운적은 몇번? 0 번. 진짜...싸우면...웃기겠따 그치ㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋㅋ 덤벼봐!

37. 친구와의 재밌었던 추억은? 너무 많다...항상 재밌따. 진짜.
-there was one time....while her mom was dying my hair...and...yea. the unexpected happened. and i turned red. as my half cherry red hair.
-where does these bus goes to?
-forgetting sarah marshall..."is taehong OKAY?!!!!" -__-;; hahahahahaha
-celebrating eating SoonDae when you got in SD. ... lame. layou. and target fashion show after wards. hahahahaha
-dreams. animal crakers. omg. and sam kang really liked the video! hahaha ><
-griffith. denny's. breakfast. :D "..."
-when you and ryan tried to hide the aloe vera juice spill while playing uno.
-you and jin's broom hair.
-awkward sam kang picture
-our long long looooong hikes and how we gagged near the horses. and we pushed each up other the hills. hahahaha
-my name is happy. is yo son's name joyful? ... ok. i'll shut up...after confirmation interviews.
-poooonomia. hehehe
-running laps and doing arm exercises in the pool. and eating right after...
-wondergirls dance practice. in high heels. omg. WONDAAAA GALLLLSSS~~~ mee chut jji...
-getting you ready before you mc-ed kcn. you were HOT, jahong.
-when you were teaching 지민이 how to be a princess! bahahahahaha
-best nrb experience with eugene oppa.
-irvine spectrum and d&b's with griffith and steven. hehe with my swollen chipmunk cheeks.
-this is recent. but when we missed each other. you came to my house. i was at urs. and i was just walking around montefino yelling your name.
-omg. meeting sally. and jon. who knew lydia. small world. most awkward nrb sesh of my life.
-beach and sushi with sebin and jumping near the cliffs.
-getting lost on way to americana with jinny
-big bang...for...halloween...sigh~ at least people recognized. lol.
-shopping at ur ucsd mart and the little basket i discovered for you!
-and how hard it was to take pictures at sd...after starbucks...sigh~
-how looooooong we waited at knotts to take the christmas picture. fail.

38. 친구의 가장큰 특징은? sexy 고양이 eyes. 쇄골미인.

39. 친구가 좋은이유는? 믿음직하고. so similar. yet so different. stylish. fun. spontaneous. adventurous. good listener.

40. 친구에게 하고싶은 마지막 한마디? THIS IS IT. don't ever forget that you have a special place in my heart. i miss you!

love you!
:) <3

don't ever forget the moment

you began to doubt

...what was after the universe?

nothing. but was there anything round the universe to show where it stopped before the nothing place began?

it could not be a wall; but there could be a thin thin line there all round everything. it was very big to think about everything and everywhere. only God could do that. he tried to think what a big thought that must be; but he could only think of God. God was God's name just as his name was stephen. Dieu was the french for God and that was God's name too; and when anyone prayed to God and said Dieu then God knew at once that it was a french person that was praying. but, though there were different names for God in all the different languages in the world and God understood what all the people who prayed said in their different languages, still God remained always the same God and God's real name was God.

- james joyce; portrait of an artist

if we have no peace,

it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.

there is a terrible hunger for love.
we all experience that in our lives- the pain, the loneliness.
we must have the courage to recognize it.

find them.
love them.
before you speak, it is necessary for you to listen,
for God speaks in the silence of the heart.

give yourself fully to God. He will use you to accomplish great things on the condition that you believe much more in His love than in your own weakness.

speak tenderly to them. let there be kindness in your face,
in your eyes, in your smile, in the warmth of your greeting.
always have a cheerful smile. don't only give your care, but give your heart as well.

the more you have, the more you are occupied, the less you give.
but the less you have the more free you are.
poverty for us is a freedom. it is not mortification, a penance.
it is joyful freedom.
there is no television here, no this, no that.
but we are perfectly happy.

i pray that you will understand the words of Jesus,
“love one another as I have loved you."
ask yourself “how has He loved me? do I really love others in the same way?”
unless this love is among us, we can kill ourselves with work and it will only be work, not love. work without love is slavery.

little things are indeed little,
but to be faithful in little things is a great thing.
a sacrifice to be real must cost, must hurt, must empty ourselves.

the fruit of silence is prayer, the fruit of prayer is faith, the fruit of faith is love, the fruit of love is service, the fruit of service is peace.

- mother teresa

you gotta be

you gotta be bad, you gotta be bold, you gotta be wiser
you gotta be hard, you gotta be tough, you gotta be stronger
you gotta be cool, you gotta be calm, you gotta stay together
all i know, all i know, love will save the day

Love will save the day.

words fall through me...

before you can inspire with emotion, you must be swamped with it yourself.
before you can move their tears, your own must flow.
to convince them, you must yourself believe.
- winston churchill

mapthesoul

love is a temporary madness. it erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. and when it subsides you have to make a decision. you have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part.

because this is what love is. love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. that is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are.

love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. your mother and i had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two.

- captain corelli's mandolin; love is the beauty of the soul
-- st. augustine

at core

i have no sense of a normal sleeping cycle.
i can't concentrate studying unemployment.

i realize it's so hard to just love.
all i desire is to be God's love to people.
that is all.
God is love.
maybe that's why it's so hard.
He is God, after all.

God only loves me because He loves His Son.
He loves me because He sees His Son in me. the Precious Blood He shed.
for me
for all of us

why? i've been trying all these years but
no answer. no reason. no logic.
because i don't deserve it.

so it's only right for me to live in gratitude.
mindful of Your Grace.

less of me. more of You.

help me to see You in others, just as You are able to see Your Son in me.

hm

this isn't right.
we can change this.
we did for roxanne.

me: what do we do? what can we we do?
dustin: kill kim jong il
mom: *gasp. dustin! don't say that! we must PRAY!
dustin: *thinks. pray that God will kill kim jong il.
me: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahahahaha!
mom: ...*sigh

oh happy day

i forgot who.
but i remember someone telling me it isn't good to be happy.
that happiness is a dangerous feeling.
is it?

i guess it depends what you're happy about.
so place your happiness in Him,
and you'll forever be happy.

something's

wrong.
i can't concentrate.
i've been writing this article for two days.
waiting for it to write itself.

24

twenty four oceans
twenty four skies
twenty four failures
twenty four tries
twenty four finds me
in twenty-fourth place
twenty four drop outs
at the end of the day
life is not what I thought it was
twenty four hours ago



…but if aging were so valuable, why do people always say, “oh, if i were young again.” you never hear people say, “i wish i were sixty-five.”
he smiled. “you know what that reflects? unsatisfied lives. unfulfilled lives. lives that haven’t found meaning. because if you’ve found meaning in your life, you don’t want to go back. you want to go forward. you want to see more, do more. you can’t wait until sixty-five.

clapping clatter at crowe cafe

*clap clap clap
the lady is clapping while taking orders
singing hallelujah. halleluyah~
*clap clap clap
praise Jesus
"have a good day!" she says
everyone looks at her when they come in.
no one says anything.
no one smiles.
no one laughs.
no one stares.
no one gives her dirty looks.
they just go on.
and life just goes on.
and she keeps praising and praising while cooking and swiping those wildcards.
*thump thump thump
on the right side of my head.
i feel insane in dee membraneeee
if this is what a migraine is supposed to feel like,
it hurtssssssss. like little shocks of pain that make me shuddder.
go away.
no more procrastination...
but i'm so good at it now. :/

abandon fear

you have learned something.
that always feels at first as if you had lost something.
- h.g. wells

dang it

how does megan fox do it?

it's 3:26 am and i'm stuffing my face with double stuf oreos.
eesh.
ffl.
fatty.
fo.
lyfe.

v-_-v

sucks

today i went to the post office to send umma her mother's day gift.
as i was writing in the little card/book i got her, i realized yet again how thankful i am for her. and i am reminded of that every year as mother's day approaches. who came up with mother's day again? random thought.
it sucks how you forget how thankful you are of someone until you are kind of basically forced to remind yourself. not that most people are forced. but some people just show their gratitude because it is mother's day. but women, especially, need to hear that they're doing well and that they are appreciated. we have to do it more.

i think that's probably one of the worst feelings.
to realize that you are/have been taken for granted.
or to realize that you have been taking someone, something for granted.
but it's
too
late.
too
late.

i don't mind staying up for you

"Ashley Kim" (1:03:55 AM): that's why it's so hard to be dchristina
tw0plusfive (1:04:06 AM): whats
tw0plusfive (1:04:07 AM): dchristina
"Ashley Kim" (1:04:14 AM): ..
"Ashley Kim" (1:04:17 AM): christian
"Ashley Kim" (1:04:20 AM): HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAAHAHAHA
tw0plusfive (1:04:23 AM): AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAH
"Ashley Kim" (1:04:24 AM): AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHAHAA
tw0plusfive (1:04:39 AM): AHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH
"Ashley Kim" (1:04:42 AM): HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAAHH

one of many.
who needs spac when i have you.
what a workout!

i know

i can't do this alone.
You're making it very clear.

just letting You know.
that i know.

and since You know that i know


vat's next?

Jesus wept.

"indifference is the one thing that makes the very angels weep." - cornel west

the crossing

just a movie.
but then you know it's not
just a movie.

it's not even the crossing itself that's the most difficult part of the journey.
it's the separation and loneliness.
heartache.
it's the desperation;
feeling of utter helplessness.

i'm disturbed.
don't want to ignore it.
i feel i'm responsible too, no?
can't just ignore it.
i want to do something. but
what am i doing?
what do ah do?
don't want it to be a oh-too-late-nothing-to-do-about-it-should've-done-something-though part of history again.
no one deserves to live in such misery and hopelessness.
Jesus died for them too.
Jesus died for them too.

but somehow i think that that would be so hard for them to believe.
and i don't blame them.
because even i doubt God's love when i'm here. sitting in a cozy library safe from the wind and rain outside. in the land of the free. healthy. with family. friends. food. school.
sad.

so what can i do?
is there anything i can do?

have Your Way in me.

always

midterm in twoish hours.
another one in tenish hours.
but You linger on my mind.
and the sun is already at work.
doing what it does best, but just not enough here.

and i think of You
in awe.
and scold myself
for forgetting.

did You rise the sun for me?
or paint a million stars that i might
know Your majesty?
is Your voice upon the wind?
is everything i've known marked
with my Maker's fingerprints?


breathe on me
let me see Your face
ever i will seek You


cause all You are, is all i want, always
draw me close in Your arms
oh God, i wanna be with You

s.g. 202. day 1

people are ignorant, he said.
natural because
ignorance is bliss.
ignorance is easy.
ignorance is comforting.
but
to be a journalist is to be cognizant of many and much.
to tear down that bliss that people try to guard.
ignorance.
but sometimes journalists desire that bliss too.
because too many cold, hard facts become too much to bear.
but if that's what it takes
to wake the world
or even a few
up.
i'll do it.
thicker-skin needed
tho.

stop

don't
think too much.
don't
expect.
don't
dwell on it.
don't
lose sight.
don't
get hurt.
don't
regret.
irony is i am while writing this.
reminds me of old age sticks by fitzgerald.