and it's dark outside
and i'm home alone.
a bad combination,
but at least i don't have a final the next day.
it's a summer night.
whew~
i guess i'll be writing here more
especially since i'm on the k-fast haha
so bloggie,
your days of neglect
are over..unless i'm...just lazy.
don't get too excited.
today, i found myself praying to God..a lot
because the day was so off..the day was so bad!
the sad thing is, the day started off so well.
gooooooood sermon..gooooood time of morning prayer..
and...things went downhill from there.
which was like the whole day...
i sucked at driving..
so dad said i wasn't ready.
mom was having difficulty in the front seat while i took her to t.j. maxx (which is not even five minutes from my house. sad.)
prayed to God to hold my tongue..calm my anger..shut my words down...
made up with mom and happily went to yoshinoya in remembrance of japan and just cause we've been planning to eat it since forever.
i ordered beef only...and literally beef only came out.
beef. only.
...
um...that was silly. and too 짜.
so i had to separately order rice.
and also get a drink because they didn't know i wanted a meal for my mom.
asked God what was going on hahaha not my day.
other little things happened that are too little to mention...
but even all these things i have already mentioned are so little.
and i think that's why i feel like ddong right now.
because i have a long way to go. i lived so fleshly today.
really...i'm not sure about a lot of things these days..
and just relaxing at home and enjoying summer does make me think and wonder about my future.
i don't worry...i just wonder. like what are You going to do with me?
i don't really wonder if i'm going to fail or succeed...i don't even know what those terms really mean to me anymore. fail or succeed by whose standards and in whose eyes?
i want to do what i'm good at, what i enjoy, what i love...but i'm sad because i don't even know what that is either. the only thing i know, and this by God's grace, is that i love Him, and want to spend my life knowing Him and honoring Him. in this, i rejoice. that is the only thing i am 7230587203857302% sure of.
so i'm only holding on to that.
at this point, the only thing i have to hold on to...
this too, by God's grace.
so continue to have mercy on this soul, Lord.
so little, so lost
so... many things.
but all in You.
