heavy and light
happy and sad
kind but lacking love
faithful but passionless
thankful but still wishful
relieved but tired
expectant but disappointed
words can't describe some feelings you experience. some scenery that makes you sit in silence. like yesterday when my roommate and i looked over the lake..how the water was glittering..with fish jumping out random slapping themselves in the face against the calm waters...the water reflecting..purple..gold..blue...looked like van gogh's starry nights..but no artist can capture the emotion and beauty i saw..everything doing what it was designed to do. the willow trees standing still with its hair over the lake. the grass swaying gently to the soft wind. everything speaking of the goodness and awesomeness of our Creator. everything standing still and doing what it is supposed to do..just stand in awe and worshiping Him. that's what we were created to do. it's simple.
i don't want to fall in the trap of false humility.
i don't want to be called humbled and be glorified for being humble.
i am not worthy to even be called humble..if you know what i mean.
i am nothing. i am not humble...i am nothing..nothing.
and that's not depressing..it's the truth.
my only worth is found in You..because You live in me..
why am i tired..
why am i discouraged..
why am i disappointed..
if You are my all?
that means i'm not there yet..
won't you be my only treasure?
keep my heart beating..
each beat only for You..
even when i'm unfaithful or unmindful
every beat, every breath is for You and You alone.
Jesus.
change is hard.
but if change means knowing You more..
change me, clean me, use me, fix me up all you want, Lord.
i'm all Yours. all Yours.
