i'm okay with ugly...
God loves ugly..there's even a book titled that.
but God really loves us..
and we ugly. ug. ly. ugggggly.
at least that's more and more of what i see in me.
and even though i don't agree, my opinion doesn't matter to Him
because He says He loves me unconditionally
my condition of ugly can seem like drag but He says i'm His delight.
what. how. why.
i don't know. but my opinion doesn't matter.
i need to accept Perfect Love.
realize i need to let Perfect Love just love on me in ugly season and out
not just when i'm feeling pretty.
this is true surrender
to let yourself be loved
to let yourself receive
and realize your truest need
we fight to win
but to lose is winning
and to win is losing in this game with Perfect Love
only when Jacob was crippled by God could he walk with Him.
i'm losing it.
i lost.
i surrender.
i really do.
even when i forsake myself
you won't forsake me.
even when i accuse you
you will pursue me.
even when i turn your promises to lies
you will cut them off with your truth.
so sick of fear.
and fear makes us sick.
fear makes us weak.
fear makes us timid.
Love is bold
strengthening, life-giving
in Love, there is no fear.
there are no what-ifs...
what if she..he..they
what if i..we..
what if my..
paralyzing thoughts like a nonstop hammer
so full of fear, but we weren't made for it.
made of Love, for Love..
no doubts or questions
security lost.
security is not in knowledge or arms.
or inheritance or charm.
don't have any of those anyway
i do desire wisdom
security in Jesus
who is Wisdom and Perfect Love
can i hear the hammer of your suffering for love
to muffle these killing thoughts
is that a crazy request..maybe..probably
but sometimes i do feel like i'm going crazy
and that adds to the ugly
flesh is so ugly.
i need the reality of you to explode my flesh
without your reality,
why live.
in the absence of your reality, i live like the dead.
hopeless without you.
hungry for you.
arrows being thrown left right under over
helpless.
but you are my hope.
you made me to feed me.
you live to help me.
you don't just protect me from afar; you are my Shield.
i was made to depend on you.
lean not on my own understanding
made to receive
made to enjoy
Holy Spirit,
so gracious. so patient.
help me to be still and float
evermore in your grace
Jesus,
so bold. so gentle.
open my eyes
to see the faith you placed in my heart
Father God,
so kind. so merciful.
protect my mind, plunge it
in your unfailing love
