enjoying my last two hours of winter break.
sad evening.
again, i will say, rejoice!
it was a sad day, though.
i tried to relax and enjoy a low-key day
but i kept thinking about tomorrow morning
and facing my students
especially them middle schoolers
i know that i know that it will be fine once i'm at work
but man.
i hate this feeling.
i'm being a baby.
but hey, i think i am in some ways still.
a baby is helpless, utterly dependent on someone's love and care for survival
that's for sure me
i was trying to pinpoint why i was feeling so sad...
other than possible pms-ing
i realize i need God's love
i need to receive it more freely...
i think lately, unworthiness has crept in.
God has become so great and wonderful in my mind that i
bought into this lie that my heart is too small for Him?
like seriously who am i that you would be mindful of me?!
but this unworthiness ain't healthy at all because i carry the worth of Jesus.
i am worth Jesus. you are worth...Jesus.
letting that sink in...
the tension!!!!!!!!!!
of this physical reality that is real...
and this spiritual reality which is the real-real reality...the one that really matters.
i realize how i do not know how to love.
i say i serve a loving God. but i do not know how to love...
He serves me... He loves me...
i realize i need to receive more freely...
that way, i can love freely
because to love truly is to love without needing any affirmation
Lord, i want to be loved by you...
help me to receive your love...
to know that i am heard and seen with eyes of love
so that i can hear and see with eyes of love
ahh...to even love one soul with this selfless love.
Lord, teach me..
fill me...
God, You are so great.
more than my eyes, my words, my gestures, my squeals....can ever say.
renew my mind as i sleep, as i wake, throughout the day
i need you, i need you, i need you...always
may i know and experience in an exceedingly great measure
how much i am known and loved by you...
i am Your beloved creation, daughter, and friend.
how can this be? i seriously think and thank you over and over again
the brevity of this life on earth relieves yet overwhelms me
i want my mist of a life to be the most fragrant mist it can be
Lord...keep teaching me to embrace, enjoy, and rejoice in this tension.
teach me to rejoice, always.
so many ways behind and before me...
but as always and forever, Jesus...You are and will be the only Way i follow.
thank you for asking first.
"follow me."
how could i ever refuse.
it's a command, also my wish...my dream-from-the-Dream-Maker-come-true.
Holy Spirit,
open my spiritual eyes...lift them up to see the greater things, the hidden, the unnoticed, the uncelebrated
loose my tongue to prophesy hope and life.
release my steps to follow Your wind confidently, furiously
rest in me...as i rejoice in your peace.
love,
me
