my brother got married five days ago, last saturday, july 21.
last week, around this time, i was having a minor freak attack because of this crazy migraine i was having. the back of the right side of my head was throbbing like no other with occasional sharp pains and a cold sensation, as if someone massaged some tiger balm onto my scalp. the scaredy-cat i am and after reading one too many yahoo Q&A threads, i thought i had to go to the ER. worse, i thought i was going to ruin the wedding celebrations.
nope, not at all. praise the Lord.
with patience and trust that my migraine would go away, it disappeared after i finally had a banana.
i think i was lacking nutrients like iron and potassium.
anyway, the wedding went by so fast. but i remember the thoughts i had during the wedding so clearly. while she was walking down the aisle, when the newlyweds hugged their parents...
i remember thinking that nothing is our own. we come and leave empty-handed.
i cannot even take my husband or wife to heaven. as much as i vow that i will stick with him/her and never leave him/her... i go to heaven alone. my soul stands alone.
depressing? not really...
my soul stands alone... in Jesus.
pastor chi stressed the the solution to every marriage is death.
we are only married to Christ by death, His death.
in the same way, we can only be married together by dying with Christ.
when we die with Christ, we also live with Christ.
above all, we love with Christ.
i know my brother and jenn will live fun, happy, victorious, beautiful lives because they live in Jesus, and Jesus lives in them.
my favorite moment of the wedding was when the two took communion together at the altar.
becoming one, and one, in Christ.
and now, five days later, recovering from a summer cold, i am preparing to go to mexico.
i've been preparing to go to mexico.
but now, i am packed and ready to go.
i am not going to worry or think about anything while i'm in mexico.
i'm not going to worry about my dad, my mom, my brother, Jenn, my future husband, my job, etc.
i probably still will.
point is, i don't want to because i only want to worry about God. are you speaking to me, God? am i being obedient to you, God? am i listening, God? are you listening, God? are you happy, God? are you sad, God? should i pray for that person, God? should i say this, God?
worry probably isn't the right word. consumed? obsessed? overwhelmed? crazy?
whatever the word, God knows what i'm feeling.
i'm tired exhausted grumpy moody pms-y and many other things...
but God still loves me..
and i want to be wrecked for Him..
i am not ready for mexico at all..
but this makes me very sure that God is going to use me
because i will not be able to doubt His power, His grace, His joy, His love in me.
thank You, Lord...
You alone are faithful..
You alone are good!
love,
ashley
